politics – The Agape Narrative Project

Today I already failed in doing this feat. I knowingly commented my way in to a scenario where I knew I wouldn’t be a champion of changing opinions. The poster was assumed, on my part, to being okay with the idea of attacking someone based off of the red hat they wore. Yes, the great white nationalist MAGA hat sets the stage again. However they never stated this. It was inferred as such by sharing and saying ” Ppl gotta realize wearing symbols of hate out for everyone to see doesn’t always bring the results or consequences u expect.” So the inference, though logical, was my original mistake.

I am not a Trump supporter. I think the man is a symbol of how a leader can divide a country and tear open old wounds rather then letting us heal. In many ways, I do not disagree with his policies and political views. My reason for defending the people who support him was not because I stand with them, but because I feel that violence for an assumed position should be highly frowned upon.

So why would I comment knowing I would appear as a racist Trumper? I thought I could help find a little bit of a middle ground in the conversation. Maybe I could show people the that being emotional and feeling personally attacked may lead to justifying and irrational act. So getting to the point of the article… (Did you see what I did there? Its the name of the article. Yeah!) I failed to properly make my point. I felt as though I said what I felt and explained it well, but it’s simply not that easy in a social media setting.

So I decided to message some people involved in the conversation. Even though some readers felt they were “not logical”, I found that in our private chats they had many good points. So how did I get my point to a position where we finally came to an understanding? Where did we settle on our differences and feel like we had a real conversation that lead to us being “social media friends” and starting to see the other’s perspective? It was when we asked questions that had no social impact. No judgement. No pressure. Just two people holding a conversation.

So the basic jist of conversation before the private messages, it was me comparing the idea that the hat is a symbol of hate due to a connection to the man but it does not need to be that way. That a supporter of a racist is not a racist. That not all people who are assumed to be a thing are that thing. We saw this after 9/11. Middle eastern people were harshly treated after theses attacks. Their appearance was labeled fearful and a threat. I understood why ignorant people felt this way, but I disagreed with it. I still do. I understand that racist people do support Trump. This connection does not mean that all people who support the man are in fact carrying the same views on race. To have that thought process is beyond my thinking. So as they explained to me why they felt this way I understood their perspective more. But I never got my side understood.

So in the direct message to the original poster I decided we should take turns asking questions. I would ask question until we cam to my point and they would answer realistically. Following that interaction we would switch places. This individual and I have had many interactions and debates but this was the easiest way for us to find our similar views on the topic. By asking questions I was able to lead the person down my thought process. When we reached the end of the first half of the exercise I found that I felt understood. My guard could drop. That’s when I realized I was closed minded in the previous social media engagement. I was so focused on my point that I forgot theirs. So when I started answering their questions I found myself aligning with them a lot. If you take out the “but what about”s you tend to find a clear path for conversation. I used the unjust reasoning of hate for middle eastern people to show how one act or some violence can impact a whole group without due cause. I got through to the fact that not everyone can be brushed with a broad stroke. But more importantly, I was reminded that situational and environmental variables change the scope of reaction. That you can wear a black lives matter to a KKK rally but it may not bring the best outcome. That wearing red or blue in certain cities could show as a friendly or an enemy to some people. This is all accurate and it directly relates to the original post in question.

The point of this article is not to defend or attack a group of people, but to understand how to come to a civilized perspective on an issue that you may disagree with. That the path of the thought process can have you align with individuals that you assumed to not be in agreement with. At the end of the conversation I learned more than I taught. Being right is not the road to progress and open minded people can easily fall into traps of defensive wall building. Do not be afraid to converse with people you may not understand, because you might just learn something for once.

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
— Oscar Wilde.

This is something I have felt strongly about since the first time I put anything up on YouTube or saw a rant on Facebook from a fake account. People belittling each other for fun as it would seem, but many really have strong beliefs in the hate they spew. I find myself noticing some people have donned the mask with their full identities available. Remember the times when racism, homophobia, and hate speech were behind closed doors and life was better? Was it really better? Is doxxing making it better or worse? Did behind closed doors really make it any better? Did knowing the name give you justice?

I once spoke with a co worker about these feelings in 2013. For those of you who did not notice, I am a white male. The epitome of “privilege” from a broke ass family who is told I have the world by the balls every day for having external sexual reproductive organs and fair skin. All I know is that my balls itch and I burn easy. Fair trade I guess for the grand idea that I am a walking demigod. My co worker was a black man from Philly (Philadelphia for the uninitiated) and he was very much a people watcher. Some would write “Fred” off as non-confrontational and mild mannered. A family man who did his job, coached his kids, and loved his car. But I knew “Fred” for a long time. I knew the stories he only mentioned off the clock.

One day we got to have a real conversation about race. So there I am working with “Fred”, a Liberian born black man who is close to me in age , and someone in the immediate area says the “N-word.” I never even once got assumed to be the person to say it. It happened immediately behind me and they were both on the other side of the machine and had no visual of anyone else. When I looked at “Fred” he immediately said “Couldn’t have been Fuzz” and just went back to work. I appreciated his lack of assumption and obvious lack of rationality but it led me to ask him “why not me?” It’s not like I have never said the word in any capacity. So I asked him…

“Fred” told me a story about when he worked in a factory in Philly. He worked with a man that would call any black man he saw doing something he didn’t agree with racial slurs. Usually saving the “N-word” for more extreme cases, but that man never once posed a threat to “Fred” or any other person at work. Confused and interested, I asked “How was he not a threat?” In which he replied “It’s not the ones that call you a N-word to your face, it’s the ones that say it behind your back you need to watch out for.”

I never thought of me openly talking about my own prejudices and questioning everything as me letting my guard down and telling others I was safe. I thought it was normal. My whole life I got in trouble for saying the truth until I learned about when, and most importantly, WHO you can trust. I always had this thought in the back of my head until I ran across the quote above. I thought of all the fake profiles on social media that would stir up hate and ruin peoples day for no reason. It wasn’t like Skankhunt42 level comedy or anything. So what was the point? I saw that none of them were really giving you a way to know who they were. They were the ones we needed to watch out for.

So what if they came to light? Would they be ostracized or mauled in the street? Admittedly, I was late to a lot of things in life. Reddit was never really something I utilized or the dreaded Twitter. When doxxing started happening I felt it could be a cure to draw out people of hate and have them atone for their actions in some way. Maybe this would help them see the error in their ways and help bring conversation to the topics? Quickly we saw the social media justice machine just go off the deep end and it became judge, jury, and executioner on so many levels since then. So it didn’t really make a big impact. Now people just say “fuck it” and own their own brand. Telling people to “Unfollow me or block me if you don’t (insert any bs here).”

So where does that leave us now in 2019? When people are openly assaulting one another over red hats and chanting “Send her back” at political events? When people feel rewarded for being banned from social media as if it shows you’re against the “Liberal Agenda.” When you can make unsubstantiated claims of whatever you want to make up and people have to prove they never said or did it to begin with? We have a generation of people that are so closed minded they shut out every thought process or conversations that doesn’t align with the opinion they have temporarily made. Are we in a time where the mask and the person are one and the same?

I talk to my co host twice a week about racism and prejudice. We can have a civil conversation and know where we stand, but if I look at the social media engagement he gets from aggressive white people wanting to knock down his opinion or stance with no willingness to converse, or the hate cards being dropped with no one being allowed to question it… well I find myself appalled with how logic, reasoning, discussion, and tolerance have disappeared from the mindset of those around us.

I started this blog to show that behind every mask is not bad intent. Sometimes it’s just sad truths, from my perspective. Maybe it’s a story from an unlikely hero. Maybe we get to know a little more about goals and dreams we never thought about. I hope to give insight and stir deliberation amongst people like we should be used to but with the walls taken down. There is nothing wrong with being wrong and there is nothing great about being right. In the end it should all be about understanding and growth as a culture. Read more than a headline. Act like a civilized human being. Crave understanding. Learn tolerance. Be disciplined.

Tag: politics

Getting the Point Across

From Anonymous to Proud