Blog Feed

A Day at Work

Featured fuzz seymourLeave a comment

It is the day after Christmas.  While many are off work today, my coworkers and I found ourselves still waking up around 4am to come into work for our shift.  Prior to my arrival, the material handler delivered my purchases to restock our inventory and I started stocking first thing.  I had very few disruptions and most of them were pleasant conversations that held steady smiles and ended with the customary “have a good one” in closing.  I was down to the last two boxes and realized that neither of them was purchased for my department.

This is where you start to see why I am writing this.

When the material handler gets the tote in the morning there are multiple potential delivery locations inside, and I often remind him to look for the receivers’ notations on the box or to double check the purchase order paperwork since this has been a reoccurring problem.  When I opened my office door to discard of some boxes I saw him leaning against his forklift eating a cup of pudding.  “YO” I proclaimed to get his attention. When he approached I informed him of the wrong delivery and he took the boxes with him.

As the day goes on, I get a phone call from someone whose location was marked for one of the previously mentioned packages.  He asks me why I sent the package down to his area, so I referenced the note on the paperwork stating the location.  After telling me that they do not belong there I start to explain that I did not purchase them and had only the paper work to go off of. He then stated they did not belon there again and before I could offer assistance he decided to hang up on me after what I interpreted as a passive aggressive tone.

“Who does he think he is talking to!?  Who does he think he is?!”

Ah. The old-self emerges. I can sense my self-righteousness and feel the need to pray.  I perform a “check off prayer” asking for patience and for this person to be called by God.

After a while I decided to walk to the upper shop and brave the cold weather rather than sous vide in my anger.  While walking back it made sense to stop by to speak with the person who hung up on me.  Shortly after making that decision, I find myself planning my attack if this person shows anything other than what I think would be an appropriate response.  I decided that I will explain that this is not how and adult acts, this is not how a man acts, this is not how a supervisor acts, and this is poor representation of a US Marine. 

After a physical head nod of approval to my plan, the revelation of my hope to hurt this man is presented.  I want to rob him of his character and respect.  I want to minimize his personhood in every way.  I am aiming to challenge his maturity, his masculinity, his title, and his pride.  I am thinking about how I can gut this man emotionally and leave him bleeding.  Not only that, but I hoped it would happen in front of his team so they could see the slaughter and also think less of him. 

But why?  Because a part of me wants the conflict.  A part of me thinks I am better than him.  That I would not stoop so low to disrespect someone like he did.  But I am looking to do that same thing in return. In all actuality my goal is to be far worse and to publicize the event. (Notice all of the “I” statements so far)

We tend to justify a poor response if we feel betrayed or attacked. My return not only had to be worse that the action taken against me, but it had to be a “killing” blow. One that was hefty enough to make a statement. A response that would cause the passersby of what was seen or whispered about in breakrooms to make an impact. A statement needed to be made. This is all so petty, foolish, childish and disgusting. This is the reality of my pride. This is the plague of sin. 

Much like the Parable of the unforgiving servant I find myself wanting to hold someone else against the fire of my wrath while I was forgiven of far worse. I am being ungrateful of the mercy shown to myself for a far more egregious act against a incomparably more righteous God. Yet here I am, a fallible man reaching for a sword over a papercut to my ego. Meanwhile Christ took up the cross for all of the sins, including mine, against a Holy(x3) God.

And this gets even deeper. 

I was angry at the material handler in the same way.  I got tired of reminding him of this so when he took the item to the other location, and they asked him “why?”   What do you think he told them? “Oh, the nice guy at the tool crib said it went here” and that he explained the purchasing information to him.  No.  He probably said, “that the dick in the tool room told me it goes here.”  Even though today was an acceptable communication of this mistake, historically I have not always been so forgiving in these scenarios.  Now I am not responsible for how he works, reacts, or communicates, but my poor response does not influence a positive change in those areas for him.  My leaning into my sinful nature does not give glory to God and I am not being the light I am called to be.

As I get closer to his area, I find myself being urged to just stop and talk with God.  I shoot up another “check box prayer” and get my phone out to record the interaction in case something happens.  As I walk through the door, I see him with his employees and ask about the order he called me about.  As he directs me to the privacy of his office, I am both annoyed and glad that it will be a less publicized conversation.  He tells me that it was notated for his area but that it was done incorrectly, was not my mistake, and that it was delivered to the correct location. Without my conflict hunger pushing more I said okay and walked out of the office.  While leaving one of his workers asks me if “if I found out what I was looking for?”  Instead of just saying yes, I responded “there was nothing for me to figure out.” Another showing of my need to be heard even though it was over.

Much of my poor responses end up in my writings because I feel God showing me where I need to let Him in.  I feel that my failure is just a reminder that I am not Jesus but that I have Him and will always need Him.  That I am not righteous but find myself being deceived into thinking I am from time to time by myself and the enemy.  I know I am not the only one, so I hope it becomes contagious in the idea of self-reflecting on these moments and not allowing conviction to become shame.  These situations humble me and writing them gives me a deeper understand because it is almost like the Holy Spirit is proof reading these with me.  He leans in deep and pushes on areas that I look past revealing sin that I glanced over.  Revealing a sin against God that I thought was nothing or was taught by this world to be acceptable.  When you think of how we glance over sin but cannot overlook a mistake from a co-worker, a sassy reply from a loved one, or an expectation not met… it reveals how fallen the world is which drives me closer to God.  The trick is that conviction always drives you to God and shame will direct you away.  Let these lessons lead you closer to God.  Lean on Him even when you think you are right because we are often wrong with how we react to being right.  

Heavenly Father,

 Let your mercy and grace weigh heavily on me to remind me of how vast and deep your love goes.  Let me give forgiveness and love as freely as you do and to guide me daily.  Help me to bring glory to you in my walk and not just in my cartwheels.  Forgive me for my forgetfulness of your gospel and faithfulness.  Thank you for Your Son Jesus Christ and for His work on the cross.  Thank you for His resurrection and the promise of new life.  It is in Jesus’ name I pray all these things.  Amen.

Matthew 18:21-35

21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”

22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. 23 Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.

28 “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down [a]at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you [b]all.’ 30 And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. 31 So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. 32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ 34 And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.

35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother [c]his trespasses.”

Romans 8:1-2

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who[a] do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. 

Dangerous Deduction

Featured fuzz seymourLeave a comment

After a brief prayer session, I was thinking about all the things happening in the world and my heart was overridden with sadness to think about how others and even my old self, would utilize these types of egregious events happening today as proof that there is no way God could exist or that if He did, He was not loving. This dangerous deduction led me to wanting to speak with my old self and this was what came to pass.

There is an almost comedic paradox that those who by the grace of God’s just love demonstrated through free will choose to ignore or fight against His existence, will utilize examples of other people’s sinful nature allowed by that same free will as proof that He does not exist.  The sovereignty of God is not something we can fully understand but through His word we are told we have choices that have consequences while also being told He has conquered death which was our greatest fear.  Even though God is the arbiter of our faith, we are given the opportunity to choose to follow His commandments.  If a person perpetrates a heinous act, this is not evidence of God’s lack of love or existence but rather (1)  shows that humans are capable of evil (2) supports that morality exists (3) that we are in need redemption (4) we have free will.  All those points are biblical truths.  I am not arguing whether every tragedy has a divine purpose or does not, but rather a tragedy does not invalidate God as much as it can be argued that it does just the opposite.

  Through that time of trying to write an indisputable response to my old self or others like it, I was shown remnants of my old self which I had assumed were long gone. Wisdom beyond my old thought process was given through scripture and prayer beyond what I had expected. I encourage you to ask God to highlight areas of yourself that have doubts or ask Him to challenge your current opinions with His word. This also implies that we must spend time in the bible because we have to fight our enemy and our selves with truth.

God seeks the heart of all and died for the world so we would be able to obtain salvation.  We will find ourselves in positions of choice to live as God has commanded or to rebel against Him and ultimately ourselves.  His mercy, love, and grace are deeper than we can imagine. We are not called to destruction but made for eternal life with Him. Do not let your heart be blinded by the battle over your mind through naturally flawed and sinfully bias human logic but allow your heart to be ravaged by what God has done for you through our lord and savior Jesus Christ, which will reveal the truth about your design in a way that will lift you above any situation and keep you content in all things. We can be free in Christ and in Christ alone.

1 Thessalonians 5:9-10 ESV

For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him.

Deuteronomy 30:19-20 ESV

I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.

1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 Timothy 2:3-4 ESV

This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.

 

Roadside Assistance

Featured fuzz seymourLeave a comment

  Have you ever run out of gas or broke down on the side of the road?  How about several times?  What if you knew it was going to keep coming again and again on your trip?  On this journey with God, we can sometimes get turned around or take a wrong turn.  Often, I think I am heading a better route than what may have been set before me.  Even though God is talking through the GPS to redirect us we can choose to hit the mute button because the route adjustments are “killing the mood.”  For myself, the experience tends to cause the Lord takes out a tire or flash the check engine light while my engines rattle about.  This seems to happen ever month or so on my walk with Jesus Christ.  I know these seasons are for my best interest to bring Him glory, but I still get childish on the side of the road.  “Why can’t I just get to where I want to go!” I scream while kicking the bumper causing the sole of my shoe to stain the paint.  Then I throw my hands in the air and lean against the car while dialing up a tow truck mumbling about how lame my life can be at times.  But after the 5th or 6th time this year, I had found myself just laying on the road next to the car just wishing I did not have to keep going.   

  These past few weeks I knew something was going on inside and around me.  Darkness was coming like a storm, and I did not think I needed to turn to for shelter.  There I stood looking the other way as the cresting storm broke over me like a wave and I was tossed about.  I stumbled to my feet and was determined to get out of this cold abyss I found myself in.  I did not see it at the time, but I was determined to do this on my own.  This is where I failed.  This is why I was here on the side of the road.  After several days of loneliness, I had finally taken my prayers more seriously and expressed my confusion to God begging Him to spare me and show me what I was not seeing.  He showed me my lack of obedience.  My spiritual discipline had turned to an optional choice that feel far below the ranks of my own needs.  I had tried to put God in 3rd place.  Loved ones were in the hospital, sickness had damaged my income, I was setting up expectations, and my validation was being divvied up to others rather than solely seeking it from my creator.  I got lost in my own desires and was throwing a tantrum over the results. 

  With my heavy heart, slumped shoulders, and broken pride I bowed before God and told Him how unworthy I was.  I expressed that I had forgotten that I was just dust and ash in this story and that through Jesus Christ I am made righteous.  I may have not been pointing fingers and riding my high horse, but with just as much naivety I had thought I oversaw my life. I would say I humbled myself before God but honestly God humbled me back to the name of the Lord.  I was caught up in my own self worship without my knowledge and then I turned the wisdom God had given me against myself.  Accepting humility comes with its own fight.  Verses like Luke 9:62 crippled me as I looked at this living word through the paradigm of my own works and not through my savior.

Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

Luke 9:62 (NIV)

  For the past few days, I have been keeping my heart close to God’s promises because He is good, just, and holy.  My car is back on the road and heading in the right direction.  I may be on a scenic route that will take me longer than expected by I am going to keep going as long as I can until He sees fit for another heart check.  A verse that I came across today inspired me to write this in hopes that anyone new or accustomed to this walk would find some hope through God’s word and my experience with Him.  I had steered onto my own path that brought me to darkness.  In that darkness I thought I could light my own way and found myself lying down in torment.  I was humbled out of love and shown mercy in my folly. Next time I find myself heading towards darkness I will remember who is really driving the car.  God is deserving of our worship not just because He created us, but because He is good, just, and holy.

Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant?  Let the one who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on their God.  But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment.  

Isaiah 50:10–11 (NIV)

Interviewing A Season

Featured fuzz seymourLeave a comment

This writing is a little abstract since it was a tool used intended for me break down my own season I am currently in. My hope is that this encourages you to ask yourself some open ended questions to respond to in an effort to evaluate your hearts current position with the Holy Spirit.

Q:  What keeps you going with your faith?

A:  Sometimes I feel like I am just playing the part.  That I have enough information to get through the conversation but couldn’t pass the test.  But then I remember all the times I felt this way before and how God has always been there for me.  Certain things I have experienced or seen unfold before my eyes were just too well constructed to not have intervention.  Also, having believed to have internally heard God speak is quite a powerful reminder that it will never be easy, but He will always be with me.

Q:  What is your current season like?

A:  Not the most joyous weeks of my life but not the worst.  I am seeing a lot of people I care about in bad shape physically.  Some are struggling mentally and spiritually.  A few are crushing under the weight in all three areas.  When one section of our life is being weighed down then the other two areas need to step up to counter the gravity change.  If two areas of your life are struggling, then you better hope the one that isn’t is the spiritual side because your physical and mental strengths are limited.  As we experience the crushing, we hope to come out stronger, but we struggle to find the joy in it. 

  As James 1:2-4 states “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.  But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”  If we could see the potential wine that will be made with the crushing we endure, it would make the process feel useful and not like a punishment.  John 15:2 says, “Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.”  Pruning is just like cutting away the split ends, so your hair grows more.  Also, if God spared this pruning, He would not be loving us as the children we are to Him since in Proverbs 13:24 it states, “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who lives him disciplines him promptly.”  If God spares us the rod, then we should worry more.  This all goes back to support what was previously mentioned in James.  But I have kind of yammered my way into the weeds in this response. 

  My current season is a reminder of my old self always trying to take over.  The battle with the old heart continues.  I recently got to look at it from a different perspective which brought much clarity.  Sitting in the theatre I see pride and ego enter stage left.  The curtain has not moved yet but they were so eager to be seen they had to step out before the show started.  The theatre is rented, tickets sold, and seats filled and the curtain lifts.  There were clearly opportunities to practice before now but this obviously unpolished performance fumbles onward.  The crowd endures until finally the curtain is called to drop.  I sit reminded of how much time I do not spend in God’s word, how selfish I am with my time, and how scared I am when I am finally “on stage.”  Preparedness is something I struggle with in life.  I tend to ride the tide until I must make a change and at that point the work is twice as hard.  God is showing me where my heart is still falling short, and my physical struggle is not aiding my much needed spiritual growth.

Q:  Do you trust God to have your best interest in mind?

A:  I trust that God knows what is better for me than I do since He created me and has plans for me.  Where my doubts and fears lay are in the moments where I feel pushed against what my sinful heart wants to do.  When God comes knocking, I think it is important to open the door but that is easier said that done lately.  I know what I should do but I lean into comfort.  Romans 7: 19-20 talks about this.  “I want to do what is good, but I don’t.  I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.  But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.”  Paul goes on to explain that He loves God’s law but is still a slave to sin and that Jesus is the answer to this conundrum.  I am nervous that I am falling back into sinful ways, but I feel strongly that this is common on a walk with Jesus.  However, I am concerned this puts distance between God and myself.  He showed me that there was a crack in the walls to my city that I overlooked it as a small detail and is now a gapping whole for the enemy.  I am told to retreat to the name of the Lord in these moments as encouraged in Proverbs 18:10. I can trust God at His word regardless of my own shortcomings.  He is the only one I can fully trust. 

Forged Through Forgiveness

Featured fuzz seymourLeave a comment

Is it hard for you to forgive someone? How about asking for forgiveness from someone else? Which one is harder for you? First thought for most would be forgiving another. The thoughts of those who wronged, slighted, deserted, or abused you comes to mind. Those strong and painful memories come up for me while I am drafting. Those failed expectations to meet basic requirements of upholding ones responsibility combined with a lack of remorse or an unwillingness to admit their wrongdoing burns inside like a fire. One person might show up in your mind repeatedly fueling the raging fire within. How could they (this) or how dare they (that), may echo throughout your mind. We may even feel justified for some or all of the actions we made in response to their betrayal. While you’re probably flashing back and forth between reading this and gazing at the inferno, can I tell you that you make or made someone else feel this same way?

  That fire died down a little didn’t it?  We are so quick to point the finger and judge others that we do not notice the scorch marks we left in other people’s lives.  Think of all the fires you have started and walked away from without ever saying “I am sorry” let alone asking to be forgiven.  Sometimes we have even rushed a lackluster apology to get out of the situation before they smelled the smoke leaving them to tend to the fire all in an effort that we could feel blameless for the results. Are you owning up to your wrong doings or do you lack that same humility you wish others had?

So, why don’t we ask to be forgiven? Is it a fear of giving control over to someone else? Well, if that was the case, then we should be the ones to forgive ourselves, right? In my experiences and through conversations with others, that is even harder to do. If we had full control of this process, then wouldn’t that shame or guilt we hold onto no longer be an issue? Therapists would be in way less demand now a days. On the other hand, some “forgive” themselves too quickly never actually learning what they did wrong and leaving a trail of fires in their wake leaving them feeling isolated and desperate for those “real” relationships. Whether it is the shame, guilt, or hiding from our feelings the result is typically the same. We fill the void with something else, whether it be alcohol, weed, drugs, or any other culturally acceptable addiction. So, we do a pretty bad job of forgiving ourselves so let us circle back to, why not just go to the person we wronged? Maybe it is a fear of rejection.  What if they don’t forgive us? What if they are still mad at us? Do we want to walk into the room we set ablaze?  If we end up with shame or guilt as a possibility what was the point?  The point, is humility.  

Earlier, when thinking of those who have wronged you, the ember left by a previous memory was growing into a wildfire since we gave it oxygen and fuel, but humility stoked that fire when mentioning that we are no better. Those that are forgiven are more likely to forgive others. Don’t believe me? Start forgiving others and see the results for yourself. This is not only a great example of how God’s grace impacts our lives but how we can unhook ourselves from the anchors of shame through Jesus. Recently, I was about to be engulfed by flames and God used that fire to prune me. A good friend and I were both being hardheaded, and everyone knows that when two stones clash a spark can be made. This spark landed on a dry haystack of memories piled up in a dark corner of my mind. My response, regardless of how justified I may have felt at the time, was poor and unacceptable. As we started to argue I could feel my words and his inciting the fire more and more. Next thing I knew, I was standing up and threw something at his hands while yelling over him to express dominance. As the fires grew so did my volume and my words were like a volley of flaming arrows impacting him as well as the other 3 people in the room. As I approached a line that our relationship may have never recovered from, my wife said my name. This snapped me out of the anger long enough to see the faces of everyone around me. My rage was not as isolated as I had thought and now I saw the casualties of my battle. I sat down ashamed of myself and then the comments continued from the other hardheaded person in the room. I looked at my wife and asked her “am I supposed to just sit here and take this?!” and that flame was coming right back up my throat. I believe the Holy Spirit talked directly through my wife and said “Yes. Yes, you are.”

After a few minutes had passed I was still in shock. What have I done? Why have I reacted this way? I am supposed to be a man of God and I… I was ready to have a physical altercation with my friend over a board game. Yes, I said board game. I felt the Lord telling me that I should apologize but I was defiant at first thinking that the other party should apologize to me first. Two things came to mind. First, I thought of Jesus. All that He had done for me and how He had forgiven me. The price He paid for me and how I was cheapening that sacrifice. Secondly, I was thinking of Mark 6:14-15 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. I prayed for help to swallow my pride and then apologized to my friend in front of the group. He forgave me right away and I later apologized to every person at the table separately. The next day was a quiet day for me. I remember my wife asking me if I was okay, but I was in a counseling session with the Holy Spirit. Much like after a fire, there was a lot to clean up. The soot and smoke damage is one thing but so is the water damage from the rescue. I walked into that once dark corner and saw all the potential damage that could have happened had the fire hit the gas line behind the wall. I saw how close I was to that proverbial line that could have really cost me. God spent 4 days with me cleaning up my mess but that new corner is better than ever thanks to Him.

So, who can we give the power to forgive? The same person who gives us the strength to forgive. Who else could we trust with the power and weight of this responsibility other than the only one to ever be righteous and holy? No one else has paid the price for our sins and we could never afford the bill anyway. The Gospel has a way of penetrating through all the darkest spots of our lives if we just let Jesus in. It may seem foreign to some, but that conflict was used to humble me and has increased my relationship with those involved and God. Do you want to let go of the shame or guilt? Do you want to be forged through forgiveness? If you want true strength and freedom then just ask for Jesus to come into your life.

Be Honest

Featured fuzz seymourLeave a comment

Genuine honesty is hard to come by in this day and age. Words are either carefully chosen to bypass any potential opportunity to offend or they are ridden with malice while guided with animosity. Regretfully, I have been known to be heavy handed with my honesty. Once, I was called hawkish which ended with me taking a trip to dictionary.com to find out what I was being accused of at that moment. This word along with the rest of their response, led me to realize people saw my honesty as a militant demand of action or as a passive accusation with some truth at the core of the comment surrounded with unnecessary judgment. For others, they reduce the strength of truth in hopes to ease the assumed sting of persecution for the sake of the person on the receiving end. This tip toe act of warming the pot to slowly boil usually ends with the desired temperature never fulling being achieved thus resulting in fruitless results or an undercooked lobster. There have been beneficial results using these methods; however, they are typically not recommended as everyone receives information differently. I call this the “cell phone” effect. The signal on both ends must be up to par to have a clear line of communication. For many, this is a commonsense idea that has no need to be in an article on my page or on anyone else’s. My response would be, how often are you honest with yourself? How often are you honest with God? Today, I will be honest with all of you.

All these articles I write have one thing in common… these are areas where I have failed. It happens and is expected. Having my brutal type of honesty is also reflected internally so subtle reminders are needed often. I once read a meme that said “satan says you are a disappointment to God, and you should give up; while God says I knew everything you would do before you were born, and I still called you. I am not done with you yet.” This is such a powerful example of my own battles. After my last article, I made a common mistake due to my old wound of rejection. I questioned myself. A mentor of mine gave me an amazing complement on my writing. He called it “spiritually brilliant.” But as I started to feel that pride lift, I knew there was more to come as God calmed me to brace for impact. When he finished his brief pause, he looked me right in the eyes and stated, “but you, are not.” This was not said to hurt my feelings but to regulate my ego. He even told me God asked him to tell me that. It took time but I came to find this was to remind me of what I already knew but forgot at crucial times. That God was sharing this wisdom through me and I had taken credit. The enemy knew this and made me feel like a plastic Christian. My faith came into question. I was spiritually rocked for a day or two, but I am just now getting back to my fight. My strength has always been to show my own weakness.

When writing I am not pursuing praise or adoration. The feeling of conviction and responsibility from God is what gets me to log on and start writing. Putting these thoughts into paragraphs often help me walk through the season I am in. Honestly, I wish I did it more often. But if I am to be genuinely honest, I do not want to write which leads me to a confession. God may be the reason I write but He is not the motivation I always seek after I write. I tend to chase the fruits of my labor much more than I enjoy doing them for God. These writings start humbly and end with me looking at ratings and comments. My fulfillment of a calling or purpose becomes what comforts me while God has been put on the waiting list for my time. I have thanked God for a gift by praising the results of that gift above him. This is like loving the response you get from others when posting pictures of the dog your father gave you that you never wanted and do not care for. Now that I have seen this fleshly side of me, I must crucify it every day. I have to remember who Jesus Christ is, what He has done for me, and what He continues to do for me every day. Anything less than that is a disservice to His sacrifice and grace.

This brings me to the question that God has placed on my heart these past few days. This is a question we all must ask ourselves and answer with genuine honesty. Is God enough? Before you answer that, quickly think of these partnering inquires that weighed heavy on my heart while I chocked down the gravity of what was asked of me. Will you inconvenience yourself for God? Do you need a reward to follow through? Did you really surrender? Is God really your motivation?

What are you not being honest about in your life.

Getting in Position

Featured fuzz seymour2 Comments

  Practice makes perfect is a common phrase heard in any training scenario. We all know that if we continue to push past our aches and doubts, we can achieve immense things beyond our original expectations. We are shown this through all forms of media including movies, books, video games, sports, and more. But I have found, in my own experiences and those who share with me, when we are walking with God, seldom do we feel as though we are up to the task or that we are making any advancement. The common method of seeing God as a transactional vending machine of our own will and desires within the confines of His law has sullied our ability to hear Him or fully have faith in God’s plan over our own agenda. This is common amongst the most attended church goers along with those who are just opening the door to Jesus. Once we hit a snag, the stumble that may not lead to a fall could result in an about face from the only thing we know can give us joy. With the knowledge of perseverance producing results, we still find ourselves running on the field while it feels like the game just happens around us. 

  Recently, I came to understand it in a way like American football. The quarterback has asked me to run out 4 yards and make a left slant and to be in position and available to catch the ball. The huddle breaks and I sprint to the line eager to make an impact. “Hike” catches me off guard and I panic and just play defense in hopes to protect the ball. The whistle blows and I hear “same play” as I run back to the line reminding myself of the play. The second snap is made but I ran too short, hooked left, and the ball is thrown to someone else. In my arrogantly dutiful mood, I shake my head and get back in line. “Same play” is said again in the brief huddle. I run an almost perfect route, but my focus was on the route and not the ball, so it was thrown to someone who was available. Now frustrated with myself I wait for another play to be called but again I hear “same play.” I slowly walk to the line convicted to do it perfect. I run out 4 yards and slant left all while keeping my mind on the gameplan but instead, a run up the middle scores us another few yards. At this point when I get to the huddle I am irked and frustrated. I hear “same play” and throw my hands in the air and think why do I bother. I run that route a few more times with no passes coming my way. Convinced that the defense is on to my route, I decide to make my own routes for the rest of the drive. 

  Down after down I feel less like a part of the team and eventually the quarterback pulls me aside. “What is wrong?” he asks as I throw my helmet down and sit on the bench. “You are not doing what you said! You said YOU were going to throw ME the ball” I exclaim with fury. He sits down next to me and asks me “have you not noticed all the gains we have made? We just scored and you are pouting. When did I tell you I would throw it to you?” “You said if I ran out 4 yards and slanted left you would pass me the ball” I mumble as he puts his arm around me. “Did I tell you that you had to be in position and available?” he asks, and my head drops down. “Yes, but..” falls from my lips as he slaps me on the back and throws me my helmet saying “get ready. We are up.” 

  Often, we find ourselves thinking we are in position and available when we are not. This has caused us to doubt God’s promises since it is not meeting the expectation we have set with our own agenda in mind. For some, this leads to running their own routes like I have recently. When I was younger, I turned away from God for the same exact reasons. With our corrupted nature this is not something we just read or experience once without repetition but with due diligence and perseverance combined with the guiding hand of God and strong community of believers we will progress with Christ. The next time we ask ourselves why we are not hearing God or feeling the Holy Spirit as robustly as previously experienced, do not make assumptions but ask yourself if you are available to Him and in position.  

What Are We Waiting For?

Featured fuzz seymour1 Comment

  One thing I know for certain, is God seeks us with immense patience and love. Earlier in my journey to accept God back in my life, I had asked one of my mentors a question thinking it would take a while to answer. I could not imagine there would be such a clear concise response when so many people have claimed there is no evidence of God. I asked him, “what do you hold on to that makes you so sure this is all real? What keeps you believing?”  He responded after only one deep breath and said, “the tomb was empty.” The interesting part about my mentor’s response was that it appeared he knew I was going to ask this question. He also knew I was not really questioning God’s existence but pleading with him for something my simple brain could process so my heart could seek God. This is akin to giving a dog a chew toy so you could cut the dogs nails. 

  God is currently walking me through a trial that I thought I understood fully. A man came to me after finding out about my faith and told me he has trouble forgiving God for taking his son. After a few minutes he explained he knew it was not that God killed him, but he was allowed to be taken for reasons that may have been for the benefit for both. I was humbled to see this type of response, but I knew we were not out of the woods yet. As the conversation continued, he stated he was the last of his friend group, which was filled with addiction and violence, but believed he was the worst of all of them. I asked him how he found God in his life, and he claimed God saved him from the depths of hell. I replied that God must really love him so why are you hiding from him? This is when he finally told me what was really keeping him from growing closer to God. This large man looked at me while fighting back the tears and said, “I don’t deserve to be saved” and my heart floated into my throat. 

This writing is not about this man who spoke to me but the heart of many of us that suffer with this same acceptance of the gift of Jesus. To the ones who feel too broken or previously wicked that they cannot accept this sacrifice. As a reminder you are going to fail along the way, and we can always reach back out to our savior, but the death of Christ was not the true feat. His death was not what his disciples preached about after his resurrection. They preached about the resurrection because that was the fulfilled promise. God promised us a new heart and life. Ezekiel 36:36 says, “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” John 3: 3 Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. Romans 6:4 We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. All these directly point to the idea that we are not who we once were after we accept Christ. To reject the death because we feel unworthy is to deny yourself the life Jesus died for you to have. I am by no means saying forget about the sacrifice. The blood of Jesus washes over us to absolve us from our sins but let us look at it a little differently.

George Herbert authored a poem titled ‘The Sacrifice’ which helped me understand the beauty in God’s plan after the fall of man. O all ye who passe by, behold and see; Man stole the fruit, But I must climb the tree; The tree of life to all, but onely me. When the serpent told Eve, she would not surely die from eating from the forbidden fruit and they ate, the doubt of God’s integrity was cast upon all humans’ hearts in a hereditary like fashion. This explains why we must choose God and why no one is default in that heart posture. Adam ate from the tree, so how does God fix it? He sends His son to climb another tree and take the full weight of our sins for us. With the resurrection we see the gift of new life fulfilled. This came full circle to me earlier this weekend after I spoke with the man I previously mentioned who was battling with not feeling worthy of God’s love and Jesus’ sacrifice. When it was presented to me, I realized it started with man and a tree, was solved with man and a tree, and how do we know it was true? The tomb was empty. The sacrifice was made, and the gift was delivered. All we must do is open our hearts to accept it and be renewed by it. As someone who also struggles with feeling undeserving of God’s love, I can say with the utmost certainty that we are all sinners saved by grace. We may not deserve it, but God loves us and that is why it is called a gift. With the acceptance of this gift comes the death of our own sin so we can live the new life we were designed to live. The answer to all the questions about life’s meaning, purpose, and destiny are all within the acceptance of that gift. So, for anyone who wants a fresh start or hopes to find their calling, I simply ask what are you waiting for?

The Live Ones Hurt

Featured fuzz seymourLeave a comment

This past week I felt a dryness to I have never experienced before.  For those who live around me, they will immediately perk up to respond with “We have had so much rain!  What dryness?!”  Even though everything around me was soaked, spiritually I was experiencing a separation from God for reasons I was unable to ascertain on my own that left my heart cracking like a dried riverbed.  A series of events led me to uncover myself hidden within a shelter of fig leaves I had built around my own heart.  Keeping it from anyone and everything including God.  I had noticed my poor actions prior to layering the walls with clay ridden mud because I didn’t know what to do besides keep building.  The more I pondered over this reaction, the more I began to barricade myself inside with no concern of the dryness that was spreading to my full body.  This dark place felt familiar and safe even though I knew it was going to be the death of me.  Purposeful starvation of love seems so obviously bad for me in hindsight, but I was basking in the dry darkness that had once been my home for so long.   

  The factors that lead me here were only brought to the surface when I finally confessed in a mentor of mine.  This was not the original plan for the conversation, but it quickly changed when he noticed my face and demeanor.  Physical pain is something that has always thrown off my balance.  The weather around me of consistent rain gave me a more accurate determination of the barometric pressure outside than the weather app could ever do.  He asked me if what I was feeling was just physical since he noticed how awkwardly I was sitting.  I swallowed my accountability pill and decided to tell him about the days prior to our meeting.  

  While I suffered a silent internal war of physical pain, a church group of mine had started to fall apart.  Some had revoked their commitment to an open discussion conversational group based off readings inspired by and containing God’s word.  This was one of my safe places with people I felt connected with through faith.  A scheduling conflict arose in our group chat and that was the start of the collapse.  Texts were sent and emotions were heightened for some including myself.  One of the members informed us he was no longer planning to attend since he made other commitments that now did not align with the groups schedule.  One of the brothers made a few comments that I was not happy to see.  I felt singled out when I offered two possible ways to keep the group meeting that were meat with an assumption of me overstepping my role.  This was mostly unwarranted in my mind because there were no roles or leadership positions, but he made it clear that I was not the “leader”, and I was not the one to make any decisions even though I only offered options.  This disappointing outcome combined with my physical pain drove me to a dark place of anger I have not seen in several months.  

So, I pulled out the contact list and dialed this brother with the plan to clear the air. To my surprise, he answered calmly. Due to my current state of mind this response fueled my anger. I demanded he explain where this tension was coming from and asserted that he was making this personal. He responded with a timid tone lined with uncertainty. Feeling justified at every turn, I reciprocated with my quick-witted responses to every “um” or “er” he made. The relentless interrogation continued for a few minutes until we both received calls from other people. Shortly thereafter, the originator of the group called me and stated that he was “just a facilitator” and agreed with some of my statements in the chat. After a few short seconds of vindication, he then informed me that he would no longer be able to attend the group due to his other commitments to another group he was with before. I felt foolish for even caring about the group. That past hour of emotions felt like a waste to me at this point.

  Unsure of how to proceed, I reached out to another good friend who was in a similar group.  As far as I had gone down that angry path, I knew I needed help and just kept talking until he heard something he could point out to me.  He proposed I prayed over this and advised that I should ponder over if I was projecting my feelings on others.  This made a lot of sense.  I have always struggled with feeling accepted or respected.  Anger has been a problem for me in the not-so-distant past so of course I am in this place right now.  Meditation superseded the calls.  I thought about my words, my intent, my actions, and my emotions.  I did not use harsh language at any point, but over the phone my tone was shaped like a spear that was being hurled through the strength of mild manner vernacular poisoned with ill intent.  The transcript would appear like a rose with thorns, but unbeknownst to the reader those thorns were surreptitiously brushed with tetrodotoxin. This realization of my poor reactions was followed up with an apology which was immediately met with forgiveness from that brother, but I still felt out of place.  “Where was it coming from?” I asked myself.  “I thought I was doing better.  Why am I failing myself?… Why am I failing God!?”   

  For several days I laid in the carcass of my own ego and expectation.  The physical pain had me locked into a trap of anguish and my mental health was following suit.  So, I withdrew.  I hid myself not knowing what I truly felt.  I was lacking direction and choosing to not feel anything.  I built that shelter around my heart and eventually my whole self.  While in there I was shriveling up slowly dying.  I didn’t want anyone to see me like that, especially God.  While working, I was short tempered, irritable, and volatile.  The people I was supposed to serve with love were getting doused in gasoline with every question they asked with no idea that a lighter could be thrown at any time.  Awareness of these unchecked emotions spilling into my work life caused me to panic and start filling the cracks in the wall with whatever I could find and eventually withdrawing further into emptiness.  The next day is when I was scheduled a meeting with my mentor. 

  While in his office, I explained all of this to him in less articulate words.  He followed up with a few questions.  “Is this the first time any brother has let you down on this journey?”  I thought about this during the long awkward pause he left ringing in the air.  I realized that this was a place I was really hurting.  That hurt was from feeling rejected by my own community and the loss of the community itself.  “Was this group important to you?” he asked with an understanding look.  “Yes,” I replied with tears now resting upon my eyelids ready to break form down my cheek.  “Are you grieving?” he asked.  “Yes,” stumbled out of my mouth as I fought the crippling wave of emotions trying to overcome my stone like demeanor.  In those few questions I found the words for what I need to pray for and registered that I was denying God access to my heart.  I knew forgiveness was outside of my walls, but I was afraid I would hurt someone else or give them an opportunity to hurt me if I ever left.  In these moments my shelter was crumbling, and I felt the water rise from the once cracked riverbed.  In four days I had experienced abandonment and loss which led to self-isolation and anger with an unknown need to grieve during one of the most physically limiting periods of my life.  I cornered a brother based off an assumption of disrespect in a group chat.  Emotionally, I was ignoring my wife and friends.  At work I took out my hostility on people just needing some direction or for simply asking how my weekend was.  God was pruning me to better myself and I was retreating from the pain of the event after a branch I felt was “not so bad” was loped off.  Several weeks prior to this I told my mentor I thought God was punishing me and he quickly responded, “God does not punish us, he prunes us.”  I smiled and said “yeah… I can see that.  I am better for it.”  Then he responded with words I didn’t fully understand until now.  “It’s always great when he is pruning the dead branches, but the live ones hurt.”  Yeah… I can see that.  And I am better for it.   

The Mountain or The Mole Hill?

Featured fuzz seymour2 Comments

  To some, my bold perspective and words carry such confidence that my conviction is seen as a mountain of faith with a mighty river of wisdom.  To others, my squawking and babbling is more like a mole hill next to run off from the neighbor’s leaky hose.  The difference between those responses is not my words but how one’s spirit and soul will receive them.  Recently I chose to focus on my calling in life.  God’s plan for me is to council others by giving them hope and taking their shame.  To show them they have a choice of a fulfilling life.  My prayers have lately been lathered with eagerness to serve and soaked in my commitment to excel.  Two days ago, I met with four brothers over two different meetings.  I listened more than I spoke in the first meeting and did the opposite in the second.  God has been reminding me of why I have two ears and one mouth, so I have been doing my best to follow that advice which did not come naturally for me.  After my day was done, I was praying for even more to put on my plate to keep my mission active.

  The next morning, a brother of mine texted me to tell me he hopes I find rest in my current season of life. I took offense to this concern.  “I don’t want rest for I am eager for battle” came to my mind.  This brother knows I have walked a painful life with many dark battles. Those who know of my life see me as either a battle-hardened hero born of war or an irresponsible child whose family is a casualty of that same war.  That text message caught me off-guard which allowed me to fall into an old trap by the enemy.  “He sees me as weak” came to mind which I could not let slide.  So, I quickly told him I was not only unwary but thirsty for more.  A short while later, my feelings still lingered but the thought crossed my mind that maybe I was overreacting.  Maybe, but probably not.  I replied letting him know that he could have some insight that I was blind to and thanked him for thinking of me.

  As the day progressed, I woke up to my wife reminding me that I should not oversleep since I needed to wake up early for work.  So, I got up and made a pot of coffee to keep me alert until bedtime.  The next morning I heard a sermon that referenced Hebrews 11:24 “By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter” (NASB 1977).  This intrigued me since the pastor was specifically talking about the wording of “grown up” in the verse so I meditated on it for a short time.  Out of nowhere I get this revelation.  I am not as grown up as I thought I was.  That reaction I had to the resting text message exposed me to be callow.  I was putting a hero complex on like a plastic badge from the dollar store and thought I had authority.  The reality is that at times, even with solid advice and good intentions, I can really act like a child with a sword.  God was entertaining my juvenility for a while, but it was about time someone showed me I was a danger to myself or others with how I was wielding this weapon.  With knowledge comes power, and with power comes responsibility.  I must slow down and grow up to do the mission I asked for.  Now I am left with one question:  Do I want to take the time to become that hero on the mountain or does this child just want to play on the mole hill?

No More Excuses

Featured fuzz seymourLeave a comment

There is currently a crisis in some particular cities and, more importantly, in every American’s heart these past few days. Fires are raging while clouds of chemicals rise from the feet of protesters and police. Batons and shields are met with improvised weapons on a blacktop battlefield set with a curfew. Soaring mists of pepper spray jet through the air while screams and chants hum through the cracks of our cities. It is important to remember why all of this happened. It is important because valuable items are being stolen right before our eyes. You may be thinking “surely, he must be writing about the amount of damage and looting of the local stores found in these cities like Minneapolis and Philadelphia, no?” How about “this author must be speaking about the vandalism on police vehicles or the loss of jobs, correct?” Nope! WE are talking about black lives! WE are talking about our own people. WE are angered by the years of mishandled cases. WE are infuriated by decades of racism that was weaved within society. WE are tired of being spoon fed a narrative that has manipulated other races into thinking that what is happening is not an issue. WE are tired of explaining it to people who do not want to listen with open minds and have already chosen their side firmly.

The division based on the side show of the riots has made people lose sight of the main act of the play. This type of straw man yellow journalism has been used to side stage major issues like racism for as long as we can collectively remember. The amount of deaths, wrongful convictions, mistreatment, and torture we have allowed for our fellow human beings to endure is no longer being met with an accepting mass of people controlled by the media to just say “okay”. With every “but” or excuse we find ourselves no longer focusing on how we are helping but more with how to keep our way of life the same. You say the police were wrong with the murder of George Floyd but rioting and looting is not the way to honor this man. Get rid of the excuses and focus on that first part of the sentence. Are you so quick to conform to your normalcy and judge indiscriminately that the entire first part of the sentence no longer has value or weight? Does this man along with all of the other clear examples of murdering unarmed black people not hold as much value to you than the stock of Target? Does the lives of our neighbors, brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers no longer matter when they are black? Did you ever think that when you take away from the fact that you are comfortably sitting in your own space free from worry about “accidentally” being shot or “justifiably” murdered based off of the continually pushed narrative that you are “less civilized” or “more likely to commit crime” which lead to the ignorance of your culture based off of your skin color that maybe you could understand the pain of other people?

If you have no idea what I am talking about I ask you to do the same thing I had to do in order to understand. Talk to people and really listen to them. Sympathize with their struggles and see the similarities between other races and cultures to your own. Notice your privilege from being on the safer side of the equation. Take the time to know a person and care about their culture because we are destroying it due to ignorance and hate. Open yourself up to understanding racism as a judgment and hierarchy and not just hate and you will see it is a process within our daily lives. A simple quote is “If you aren’t part of the solution than you are part of the problem”. Use your privilege to help make the correct changes so that we do not feel the anger that causes riots. Stand by our brothers, sisters, and neighbors in unity against the allowance of unjustified death with too little repercussions. Our “normal” is not worth the destruction and isolation of other races for our comfort. Our comfort needs to come with the price of fairness and logic for all people to be free as we tote on our country’s tag lines that only some benefit from while others are murdered in our streets or even in the safety of their own homes. No more false narratives. No more injustice. No more peace. No more excuses.

Sleep Paralysis

Featured fuzz seymourLeave a comment

Waking up in a paralyzed type state and seeing something approaching you is ultimate fear for me. Trying to scream and you just mutter a hum type sound while your partner snores their ass off while you prepare to have your soul ripped out from your body is how I imagine I will actually die. Not that the figure in the dream is real but I can see my having a heart attack during one of these events. Words honestly do not give the fear justice. It is similar to imagining what war is like from your comfy apartment in Pennsylvania. You do not know what it is like until you experience the actual event. For those interested, on the podcast I co-host and produce we discuss some of these topics and dreams I have had. I will explain some stuff here but I highly recommend that episode.

When I was younger I had a difficult childhood. After being given up by my mother I moved into an apartment above a local convenience store/grocery market with my brother, step-mother, and half sister. This store was across the street from a Quaker church that has an actual underground cavern that was used to hide slaves. There were many rumors but the historical society even acknowledged this fact. The store was connected to the church through this underground route. Many employees would dread going to the basement at all times of the day and reported strange occurrences. The attic of the apartment was once sealed off in a seance to help keep the spirits up there. My father of course needed to space… so fuck the ghosts.

So now I am living in a haunted home that has historical documentation of not only under ground railroad caverns but also it was documented as haunted. It was not unusual for me to hear footsteps or hear voices, especially in the attic. This made me accustomed to the idea that things happen out of my control. The first time I remember being “attacked” was on my bed in my mid-teen years. I was just taking a cat nap after school. My friends had just left for work, the sun was shining, and I just ate two chicken BBQ sandwiches and drank a gallon of Turkey Hill green tea from the store I lived above. I woke up abruptly to a cloud of black over me. I saw a dark I can only describe as negative light. It had motion and seemed to get closer to me. My step-mother was in the room next to me. We were only separated by a wall but I was frozen in fear. I tried to scream. I honestly thought I did scream. After the ordeal lasted about 7 seconds my eyes slammed shut and I fell off the bed. After hitting the floor I yelled at my step-mother for not assisting me after I yelled for her. She ran in to the room and said I never made a sound and there was nothing there.

Now I am being haunted directly by these fucking ghosts. Or so I thought. For years I blocked these kind of memories from my mind. Maybe my brain was trying to keep me sane. Maybe it was a dream or just something I made up. I tried to just forget as much as I could. But Even before then I always had a fear of things at my window or door at night. As a child I never felt safe at night. Years passed. Of course some things happened but nothing major. So I moved out with my now wife. We had a new place. I owned guns, put up black out curtains, and was ready for the alien invasion. But really I never did feel safe in the safest place for most people. My bed was never a form of comfort when I was alone. I always felt vulnerable in those rooms. The moment that I changed my perspective on what was happening to me was when it happened mid-day when my wife was awake. I was working 7:30PM to 7:30AM at the time. My wife woke me up to tell me that she was going out with her friend and whatever else she said. I mumbled through her voice something like “okay, love you, bye, sleep time.” She proceeded to the bathroom and heard me making odd noises. When she walked in I was borderline seizing. She shook me until I had become responsive and I just cried and said do not leave me. When she asked what happened I was still in shock and could not respond.

I had blocked out every example of this happening to me in my past. The story I told above about the black cloud was forgotten about until this moment. Every instance of these types of occurrences came back after this last attack. Over a dozen instances of me being frozen in fear and something sitting on my chest, climbing through my windows, opening the door to just watch me, hands coming from under the bed, shapeshifters, walls being walked through, out of body experiences, etc. I was hit with the proverbial “truck” that just delivered a lethal dose of realization to me. When I bought my dog Monkee I told my wife she was to sleep in the bedroom with us once potty trained. I was subconsciously hiring a 12lb yorkie-mix bodyguard to protect me in my sleep. She was in the room when this attack happened so… bad dog. Many things I did as just second nature were ritualistic to keep me from fear; sleeping with the tv or light on, having a gun close by, checking the closet door before I slept, going back downstairs to just make sure I didn’t have to get up in the night, and more. I still do many of these things to this day. Actual, all of them.

This was not the worst experience I had ever had but it was the most profound attack in my life. It changed me. After my wife had walked away and shut the door I had fallen back asleep. All of a sudden, I felt many presences in the room. I started to open my eyes. Light and colors were there but still blurry. As my eyes started to adjust to the room my lungs felt compressed and my eyes slammed shut. Have you ever closed your eyes and shined a flashlight or turn off the lights afterwards? You can still see and sense the difference in light. The darkness has a tint or red accents that clue you in to the environments visibility. This was present and then just vanished. Like the room I was in dropped below the crust of the earth and I fell into the abyss. The negative light was now in my whole room. Then streams of light would flicker and shoot across my closed eyelids, like directional fireworks. But while this happened the darkness would do the same thing from the opposite direction. It was like good and evil were fighting over my soul. One side was determined to consume me and the other side fought for my survival while I laid paralyzed trying to scream for help. My heart was beating more than a planet fitness can handle. I can not explain to you how it felt other than I actually thought I was being ripped into hell and this was my new reality. I tried to shake and fight. I could control my breathing and could think but was unable to do anything else. Right before my wife woke me up I had stopped fighting. I just gave up. It felt like a championship boxing match with my soul fighting a platoon of demons. I just hoped for death.

After waking up with my wife holding me while I was sobbing, all of the past experiences just smacked me. That is why I was really in shock. I was unable to grasp whether or not it was real. I actually asked myself if I was Neo. (Matrix references are needed to comfort myself.) I asked why me? I had to work in a few hours but how could I rationalize working on a printing press after remembering all the suffering I had endured over the years? I have to this day never been so scared in my life.

After that day I looked up as much as I could. I had to understand why these creatures, people, demons, or whatever were tormenting me. I stumbled across sleep paralysis. I read as much as I could about everything related to the subject. I learned about the threat simulation theory, incubus attacks, etc. What I found most conflicting was that I refused to believe it was in my mind. That something so real was just made up in my imagination. But how do so many people see the same things and experience the same dreams when they never talked about it or met before? It spanned the globe for all of history. Different cultures and tribes who never spoke had the same fearful attacks while in paralyzed states at bed time or during a nap. Common traits for the “presence” are tall shadow figures with red eyes or a man with a hat. While many of mine had nothing to do with these examples, there were a few that had similar characteristics. So as a logical person… I actually just stopped researching. I stopped talking about it and just accepted it as my own brain. Everything in me tells me I would not do this to myself. But it’s either I move on with my life or I look for the monsters that seek my destruction. And even though they still haunt me to this day. I can find comfort in ignorance because it is the only thing keeping me sane.

Getting the Point Across

Featured fuzz seymourLeave a comment

Today I already failed in doing this feat. I knowingly commented my way in to a scenario where I knew I wouldn’t be a champion of changing opinions. The poster was assumed, on my part, to being okay with the idea of attacking someone based off of the red hat they wore. Yes, the great white nationalist MAGA hat sets the stage again. However they never stated this. It was inferred as such by sharing and saying ” Ppl gotta realize wearing symbols of hate out for everyone to see doesn’t always bring the results or consequences u expect.” So the inference, though logical, was my original mistake.

I am not a Trump supporter. I think the man is a symbol of how a leader can divide a country and tear open old wounds rather then letting us heal. In many ways, I do not disagree with his policies and political views. My reason for defending the people who support him was not because I stand with them, but because I feel that violence for an assumed position should be highly frowned upon.

So why would I comment knowing I would appear as a racist Trumper? I thought I could help find a little bit of a middle ground in the conversation. Maybe I could show people the that being emotional and feeling personally attacked may lead to justifying and irrational act. So getting to the point of the article… (Did you see what I did there? Its the name of the article. Yeah!) I failed to properly make my point. I felt as though I said what I felt and explained it well, but it’s simply not that easy in a social media setting.

So I decided to message some people involved in the conversation. Even though some readers felt they were “not logical”, I found that in our private chats they had many good points. So how did I get my point to a position where we finally came to an understanding? Where did we settle on our differences and feel like we had a real conversation that lead to us being “social media friends” and starting to see the other’s perspective? It was when we asked questions that had no social impact. No judgement. No pressure. Just two people holding a conversation.

So the basic jist of conversation before the private messages, it was me comparing the idea that the hat is a symbol of hate due to a connection to the man but it does not need to be that way. That a supporter of a racist is not a racist. That not all people who are assumed to be a thing are that thing. We saw this after 9/11. Middle eastern people were harshly treated after theses attacks. Their appearance was labeled fearful and a threat. I understood why ignorant people felt this way, but I disagreed with it. I still do. I understand that racist people do support Trump. This connection does not mean that all people who support the man are in fact carrying the same views on race. To have that thought process is beyond my thinking. So as they explained to me why they felt this way I understood their perspective more. But I never got my side understood.

So in the direct message to the original poster I decided we should take turns asking questions. I would ask question until we cam to my point and they would answer realistically. Following that interaction we would switch places. This individual and I have had many interactions and debates but this was the easiest way for us to find our similar views on the topic. By asking questions I was able to lead the person down my thought process. When we reached the end of the first half of the exercise I found that I felt understood. My guard could drop. That’s when I realized I was closed minded in the previous social media engagement. I was so focused on my point that I forgot theirs. So when I started answering their questions I found myself aligning with them a lot. If you take out the “but what about”s you tend to find a clear path for conversation. I used the unjust reasoning of hate for middle eastern people to show how one act or some violence can impact a whole group without due cause. I got through to the fact that not everyone can be brushed with a broad stroke. But more importantly, I was reminded that situational and environmental variables change the scope of reaction. That you can wear a black lives matter to a KKK rally but it may not bring the best outcome. That wearing red or blue in certain cities could show as a friendly or an enemy to some people. This is all accurate and it directly relates to the original post in question.

The point of this article is not to defend or attack a group of people, but to understand how to come to a civilized perspective on an issue that you may disagree with. That the path of the thought process can have you align with individuals that you assumed to not be in agreement with. At the end of the conversation I learned more than I taught. Being right is not the road to progress and open minded people can easily fall into traps of defensive wall building. Do not be afraid to converse with people you may not understand, because you might just learn something for once.

From Anonymous to Proud

Featured fuzz seymourLeave a comment

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is something I have felt strongly about since the first time I put anything up on YouTube or saw a rant on Facebook from a fake account. People belittling each other for fun as it would seem, but many really have strong beliefs in the hate they spew. I find myself noticing some people have donned the mask with their full identities available. Remember the times when racism, homophobia, and hate speech were behind closed doors and life was better? Was it really better? Is doxxing making it better or worse? Did behind closed doors really make it any better? Did knowing the name give you justice?

I once spoke with a co worker about these feelings in 2013. For those of you who did not notice, I am a white male. The epitome of “privilege” from a broke ass family who is told I have the world by the balls every day for having external sexual reproductive organs and fair skin. All I know is that my balls itch and I burn easy. Fair trade I guess for the grand idea that I am a walking demigod. My co worker was a black man from Philly (Philadelphia for the uninitiated) and he was very much a people watcher. Some would write “Fred” off as non-confrontational and mild mannered. A family man who did his job, coached his kids, and loved his car. But I knew “Fred” for a long time. I knew the stories he only mentioned off the clock.

One day we got to have a real conversation about race. So there I am working with “Fred”, a Liberian born black man who is close to me in age , and someone in the immediate area says the “N-word.” I never even once got assumed to be the person to say it. It happened immediately behind me and they were both on the other side of the machine and had no visual of anyone else. When I looked at “Fred” he immediately said “Couldn’t have been Fuzz” and just went back to work. I appreciated his lack of assumption and obvious lack of rationality but it led me to ask him “why not me?” It’s not like I have never said the word in any capacity. So I asked him…

“Fred” told me a story about when he worked in a factory in Philly. He worked with a man that would call any black man he saw doing something he didn’t agree with racial slurs. Usually saving the “N-word” for more extreme cases, but that man never once posed a threat to “Fred” or any other person at work. Confused and interested, I asked “How was he not a threat?” In which he replied “It’s not the ones that call you a N-word to your face, it’s the ones that say it behind your back you need to watch out for.”

I never thought of me openly talking about my own prejudices and questioning everything as me letting my guard down and telling others I was safe. I thought it was normal. My whole life I got in trouble for saying the truth until I learned about when, and most importantly, WHO you can trust. I always had this thought in the back of my head until I ran across the quote above. I thought of all the fake profiles on social media that would stir up hate and ruin peoples day for no reason. It wasn’t like Skankhunt42 level comedy or anything. So what was the point? I saw that none of them were really giving you a way to know who they were. They were the ones we needed to watch out for.

So what if they came to light? Would they be ostracized or mauled in the street? Admittedly, I was late to a lot of things in life. Reddit was never really something I utilized or the dreaded Twitter. When doxxing started happening I felt it could be a cure to draw out people of hate and have them atone for their actions in some way. Maybe this would help them see the error in their ways and help bring conversation to the topics? Quickly we saw the social media justice machine just go off the deep end and it became judge, jury, and executioner on so many levels since then. So it didn’t really make a big impact. Now people just say “fuck it” and own their own brand. Telling people to “Unfollow me or block me if you don’t (insert any bs here).”

So where does that leave us now in 2019? When people are openly assaulting one another over red hats and chanting “Send her back” at political events? When people feel rewarded for being banned from social media as if it shows you’re against the “Liberal Agenda.” When you can make unsubstantiated claims of whatever you want to make up and people have to prove they never said or did it to begin with? We have a generation of people that are so closed minded they shut out every thought process or conversations that doesn’t align with the opinion they have temporarily made. Are we in a time where the mask and the person are one and the same?

I talk to my co host twice a week about racism and prejudice. We can have a civil conversation and know where we stand, but if I look at the social media engagement he gets from aggressive white people wanting to knock down his opinion or stance with no willingness to converse, or the hate cards being dropped with no one being allowed to question it… well I find myself appalled with how logic, reasoning, discussion, and tolerance have disappeared from the mindset of those around us.

I started this blog to show that behind every mask is not bad intent. Sometimes it’s just sad truths, from my perspective. Maybe it’s a story from an unlikely hero. Maybe we get to know a little more about goals and dreams we never thought about. I hope to give insight and stir deliberation amongst people like we should be used to but with the walls taken down. There is nothing wrong with being wrong and there is nothing great about being right. In the end it should all be about understanding and growth as a culture. Read more than a headline. Act like a civilized human being. Crave understanding. Learn tolerance. Be disciplined.

Worship

fuzz seymourLeave a comment

What is worship?

There are many places to go in scripture to find information on worship. We find one of the clearest passages about this topic in Paul’s epistle to the Roman church.

Romans 12:1-2

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Spiritual worship in verse 1 is also translated as ‘service’ or ‘divine service’.  The mercies of God are offered to us as an invitation to His family and true life and an escape from sin and death.  These mercies of God are also the motivations for us to worship Him because He is worthy of our lives since He has ransomed them by His blood and as our creator.

Right away we see a definition of what ‘spiritual worship’ is.  This is to present our bodies as a living sacrifice.  We are not left in the dark on what that is either.  It is to deny the world and to have our minds transformed by God.  That through our trials or testing, we will have opportunities to discern the will of God.

But why ‘spiritual worship’?

When Jesus was speaking with the woman at the well, He gave us the answer.

John 4:20-24

‘Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you say that in Jerusalem is the place where people ought to worship.” Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.”

There is a lot to unpack in this passage, but we will stick with the objective.  The Samaritan woman at the well starts to explain that they used to be able to worship God at their mountain but that the Holy of Holy’s was now in Jerusalem where God was to be worshiped.  Jesus responds with letting her know that the time is coming (present) when anyone from anywhere can worship the Father.  This was represented when the veil tore at the crucifixion of Jesus Christ in Matthew 27:51. But that this worship was to be in ‘spirit and truth’.  The limitation of worship is not one of location but of heart.  Jesus sums this up precisely in the last sentence. “God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”

What does it mean to worship in ‘spirit and truth’?

In Romans 12 we see the call to a transformed mind, but we know that this is truly a call to a transformed heart.  This is what God promises, and this is what he is after.

Ezekiel 11:17-21

Therefore say, ‘Thus says the Lord God: I will gather you from the peoples and assemble you out of the countries where you have been scattered, and I will give you the land of Israel.’ And when they come there, they will remove from it all its detestable things and all its abominations. And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God. But as for those whose heart goes after their detestable things and their abominations, I will bring their deeds upon their own heads, declares the Lord God.”

Jeremiah 31:33-34

For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the Lord: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people. And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the Lord. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.”

Ezekeil 36:25-27

I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.

In all these verses we see not only what God promises but what He desires.  God wants our hearts back.  He promises to those who come back to Him that He will wash away their sins and make them clean.  He will take away the old heart and give us a new one.  One that resembles His.  And He will put in us a new spirit.  We will have a heart and Spirit that will desire the things of God and to do the will of God.  Why?  Because of His mercies.  He offers us a place. He will wash us clean.  He will give us a new heart.  He will put a new Spirit within us. God will dwell in us.

Romans 8:9-11

You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.

So how do we worship in Spirit and truth?  Let’s look at what we have learned so far and we can rephrase the question into a statement. 

‘Worship’ is defined as presenting your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God.

‘The Spirit’ is by and through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit which is offered to us by Christ Jesus and put there by God the Father.

But what about the ‘truth’? 

Romans 10:9-13

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.”[ For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

‘Truth’ is not of a false faith or one that you borrowed from a family member.  It is not about an intellectual ascent to knowledge but rather something deeper.  It is about knowing Jesus and Him knowing you.  Not just facts or bible verses but the personal intimate relationship He offers to you.  It is about your heart.

The word “worship” gets used in a lot of ways. It is not limited to any one specific act or function. It is a call for those who say yes to making Jesus their Lord and Savior to live as He did and asks them to do also.  To follow Him and to deny one’s own self and the world around them.  To love God and to love others.  It is to praise His Holy name and to repent from sin.  If we make ‘worship’ only something that happens at church or singing when chords are playing, we have missed the mark.  If you thought of your daily life as a form of worship, would you rethink how you live?  Would He find your worship acceptable if we took the definition offered through scripture within the context of what He calls us to?

Worship is a byproduct of the life of one who has been saved and knows the truth of the cross and the God who made a way for us.  I am by no means perfect, but this type of study has transformed my mind in a way that I now see what was once mundane as opportunities to lift up the name of Christ in all that I do. I love how this was stated in the verse below.

1 Corinthians 3:2-3

You are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read by all men; clearly you are an epistle of Christ, ministered by us, written not with ink but by the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of flesh, that is, of the heart.

Paul’s epistles have been mentioned a few times so far, and many brothers and sisters in the faith have found the work of the Holy Spirit through Paul’s writings to the early church as revolutionary for their theology and relationship with the one true God.  Your epistle may not be bound between Genesis and Revelation, but it is just as captivating to those around you and more readily accessible throughout their day.  If we can come to see that we are called to live in worship in order to glorify our God who raised us from the dead and as a witness to those that are around us, we will see the power of God in ways we never imagined.  Oddly enough, even though we worship God due to His worthiness, have you ever noticed how when you worship Him, you are also rewarded?  There is great joy that one feels when in the presence of a loving Father.  He is so good to us. Even when we do what we know we should to honor him, we are rewarded. It was not about us. Think about what Jesus told the woman at the well, “whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”  We do nothing to make ourselves worthy of the gift God offers.  He pays the cost Himself.  Yet, we are rewarded with mercies and gifts that benefit us.  He is infinitely worthy without having done any of this. This makes worshiping Him from the heart so much easier.

Are you still struggling to get a practical application on how to understand how to worship?  I would encourage you to meditate on these verses in silent prayer. Ask for God to speak during this time.  Read from Hebrews 12:28 until you finish the book of Hebrews.  Spend some time understanding the fear of the Lord and the law of the Old Testament.  Look at the life and teaching of our Lord. Consider how our Savior Jesus Christ shows us to ask Him to reveal His will through His word.  Approach God personally. Tell Him that you accept His call to a deeper personal relationship and to the family of believers He adopts you into.  And in doing any of this, you are intentionally seeking Him at the cost of your time and life while renewing your mind, which is acceptable worship.

Prayer: The Road Ahead

fuzz seymourLeave a comment

Lord, I am struggling with what I think the roads ahead may look like.  Though I have not seen them, the roads I am currently on are getting rough.  My previous experience and assumptions of what lies ahead have put me in a place of fear.  My trust in myself has limited me from seeing the good beyond this turn.  Please increase my faith and remind me of all You have done that has proven me wrong so frequently in the past.  Build me up with Your strength in my weakness and increase my understanding of Your power, love, and peace.  Help me get back on the road as I sit here parked on the shoulder with the engine off.  I feel lost and need refreshed in the knowledge that You go before me and are with me at the same time.  Thank you for your grace and patience with me Lord.  Forgive me for my pride and arrogance.  I look forward to coming home, which I am not deserving of, but You have invited me into by Your blood on the cross and Your resurrection.  All glory and honor belong to you Jesus.  Thank you, Lord.  It is in Your name, the name of Christ Jesus that I make this prayer.  Amen.

Reflections:

  • Did God put you on this path or did you take the wheel to get here?
  • Looking back, has He shown up when you were here before?
  • Sometimes we need to pull over for rest, but are you resting in that time or running to distractions and anxiety?
  • How often do you listen to God’s direction in your life compared to taking the turn and hoping for the best?
  • God is always right on time.
  • Journal a list of 10 times that God showed up. 5 from scripture and 5 from your own life. Reflect on these times and praise Him for each one. Thank Him for His Fatherhood over your life and His patience with us when we are fearful and prideful.

Proverbs 3: 5-8

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, And strength to your bones https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%203&version=NKJV

My Dad’s Passing

fuzz seymourLeave a comment

Before I ever knew about my Father in heaven, I knew the one that He gave me to be my earthly father, or who I would call Dad or Pops.  He was, for better or for worse, my best friend and a constant in my life.  People knew we had issues or disagreements at times but when you saw us together, you knew we were just alike and as he would say “best buds.”.  

On Monday, August 7th of 2023, my Dad’s body was found on the floor of his childhood home but he was no longer there.  After a few days of processing, answering the same questions over and over, and being around people; I have finally sat down alone and listened to some voicemails I have on my phone.  Tears of joy are something that many do not have the privilege of having in these moments and I thank the Lord that I do.  In one, he calls me just to check up on me and see how something turned out after I had left his house.  In the last months especially, he would just call me and be a dad.  “Do you need anything son?  I am worried about you.  If you need anything bud, give me a call.” Meanwhile my dad was suffering with all of his physical and mental ailments while fighting against nurses and family encouraging him to go to the hospital.  At times he was the most stubborn person to ever exist and at other times what some would call a “saint.” He would be the most foolish and unreasonable person but he also loved that same way.  My dad was the kind of man that would be barely able to survive but would offer you assistance in a time of need at the cost of himself.  I thank God that this was the dad I was given.  I praise the Lord that I was able to learn from what he did well and did wrong.  My dad was not a perfect man but he was perfectly chosen by God to be mine.  

In another voicemail, he was calling to let me know how the food I had made him turned out.  Occasionally he would call me and say he just wanted some grilled food, and if anyone knows me they know I have a passion for grilling.  I had dropped off some chicken and grilled corn and he had called me just to tell me that “everything was excellent.”  While I can’t say I got much support for the sports I had tried out for or other hobbies, he would always make sure to say he was proud of me but would only say he liked something if he actually did.  He mentions that he “never had that corn before” and he would “buy a couple bags of that.” Classic Pops. My dad was a simple man with simple joys.  Especially because it was just sweet corn grilled with some extra virgin olive oil.  Pops would find a new food spot and eat the same thing every time he went and would go 2-4 times a week until he got tired of it.  Some of his favorite things were a cold can of coke, bad sci-fi movies, olive garden, and watching people.  Every Saturday during the months they were open, he would attempt to lure me into going to his house since I lived near the bbq chicken stand he liked.  He never wanted to ask for help but if I “just so happened to be going out that way… could you stop and get me some of that chicken?” And if I told him I was grilling I would get asked about what he could get from the menu.

Right after he is at the closing of his voicemail he comes back to say he also had enough for them to have two meals but then he chuckles.  My heart swells up every time I hear it.  That little smirk and chuckle he had reminds me of so many times we have had together.  I remember playing with a can of tomato soup in the kitchen and “pretending” that it was open and I looked right at him and flipped it over my head.  As I realized that the can was not pretending once I felt and saw all of the sauce run down my shirt and onto the floor.  I remember he smirked and made that sound after I demanded he not tell my older brother about this.  He made that sound often in those goofy moments of me being a kid as well as when he would act like the big kid he was.  He would laugh and chuckle unapologetically even in the worst times and man… I miss that.  Even though at some times I would have to give him a quick jab of “dad…” to let him know it was not appropriate and then he would cover his mouth and insincerely say “Oh.  I am sorry.” As I grew into an adult my dad slowly went from the driver seat to the passenger seat. Pops and I had a lot of miles together and the long car rides and conversations were truly a blessing. In the last week of his time here, I told him about the promise of a new and glorified body to believers in Christ. Dad had a history of telling me to shut up when those kind of conversations came up but towards the end he asked me a lot of questions. When he heard about the new body and no more pain he looked at me and said “now THAT sounds like heaven!”

Now like any family, there were a lot of bad things as well.  I have never been one to act like my dad was perfect or that my family is.  We are not.  I am not.  But he was my dad and I miss him.  I know that when I see a good deal on something he would like I will eventually forget and reach for my phone to call or text him and realize I cannot.  I know that I will have life events and moments that I will want to share with him and I cannot.  I know that I am also not the only person missing him and that everyone eventually has loved ones die.  Many that have seen me in this time are worried because I am not responding as they would expect. There are many reasons why.  My dad and I had a great relationship and I knew he loved me and that he knew I loved him.  He went out how he wanted regardless of the pleading we all had made to get him more comfortable.  I know he wished he did almost everything differently but I told him I did not share the same sentiments.  He apologized to me and my siblings a lot in the past few months.  He would look at me and say he was a failure as a dad and I would ask him what he thought of me.  When he would answer me I would say “where do you think I got it from?” and he would smirk and laugh with a tear in his eye.  Then we would call each other names to break the tension.  I saw my dad cry more as he got older.  I saw a very aggressive and angry man get softer and love his wife better over time.  I saw light in him at times and I know I shared that light that God gave me with him.  I do not know where my dad is now, but I know God is perfectly just, loving, merciful, and righteous.  I know that I will always have a perfect Heavenly Father and that my dad was a gift.  I hope that those who carry his memories will learn from his love and also unlearn the anger and unforgiveness that he regretted so much in his life.  Thank you God for my dad who has passed on, and I trust you that whatever happened on that day was good, just, and loving.  Thank you for the peace you have given me in this time and the joy I feel in my heart. I pray that others will have the same.

A Note to Image Bearers

fuzz seymourLeave a comment

As image bearers we are not above one another but equal in value.  As those who bear the image of God, we are but a reflection and not God or gods ourselves.  God has gloriously, mercifully, and totally on His own doing offered us a place in His family under His headship to those who call Jesus Christ both Lord and Savior.  There is nothing that the image bearer themselves can or will do to earn this gift, since it is of grace alone. 

Though we bear His image, we are underserving due to our sin. God clearly and precisely warns that sin incurs a debt which can only be paid with death.  We also know that all debt must be paid since God is just, righteous, and holy.  That wage was paid for in the life and death of Jesus Christ, who is God’s Son and God Himself.  You may ask why “life” was included in the previous statement since death is the required payment.  This is because the sacrifice of Christ had to be without sin or blemish.  This had to be a perfect and complete sacrifice that would have endless value over the totality of debt sin could ever invoice.  The capital of Jesus’ work on the cross is inexhaustible. 

However, not everyone will accept the work of Jesus on their behalf for their own debt.  To those who do, they will have a place in the house of the Lord forever.  To those who do not, they will suffer under the weight of their debt and perish forever.  Woe to all who think they can pay their own way without understanding the severity of what they face.  But they will not be spared since they hardened their hearts to their Creator and chose to live as they wished and refused to call Jesus Christ Lord and Savior.  Woe to those who think they are saved by calling Jesus only Lord or Savior but not both.  For they will be turned away and told that He never knew them and suffer the same fate. 

As image bearers, we are called to be like God.  To be holy.  We can only be seen as righteous and holy if we are filled with the Holy Spirit who is God. This indwelling can only happen with the acceptance of the blood of Jesus Christ. When God dwells within you, you will be made to be like Him. You will desire to praise, please, and worship God.  He will finish what He has put in place and save all those who call His Son, Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior.

His Plan for Us

fuzz seymourLeave a comment

  When I make a mistake or see that I am not being the man God intends for me to be, I can be harder on myself than the Holy Spirit intends.  The enemy is quick to pick up on the sweet smell of my defeated mindset and is eager to add to the plate.  For a while, the difficult part was turning to God when I was being convicted and assaulted by the enemy.  I perceived myself as unworthy to speak to Him due to my short comings. This, in itself, is me forgetting the Gospel.  Without Jesus, I would never have a hope in gaining access to the Kingdom of Heaven. Learning that I was unknowingly operating in a way that limited the power of Jesus’ sacrifice was a big wake up call that I needed. But this is not the first time I have had to realign my life with the Gospel and I can see ahead that I have to keep myself on this narrow path which involves an occasional course adjustment. This renewed sense of direction showed me how God was using my recent stumbling blocks to get me back on the path but I couldn’t explain it.  Today I was speaking with a brother when I felt a sense that the Holy Spirit had given me words.

Do not focus on the failure or how you can get out of it, but focus on what you can get out of the experience God walked you through.

  When hearing this I am reminded that we all make mistakes and God knows we will make more.  Without His love and grace, we would all be destined for eternal destruction.  There is nothing we can do to earn our salvation and it is not our glory to claim.  Jesus walks with us through the fire just like He did with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (Daniel 3).  If there is anything we should aim our efforts towards, it should be in trusting and learning from God. We should be acknowledging the amazing role He has had in our lives.  We must draw strength by remembering that He has plans for us to prosper and His ways are higher than ours.  We must grasp onto the fact that He does not plan to harm us but asks us to pick up our cross everyday and follow Him.  We must see that in our suffering, God suffers with us and will save us.  We must acknowledge that this suffering produces perseverance that changes our character. This leads us to hope all because of God’s love for us. It’s not about us but about Him. It’s about His plan for us.

Scripture references

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths.

Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Matthew 16:24-25

24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life[g] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Isaiah 55:8-9
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 63:9

9 In all their affliction he was afflicted,[c]
    and the angel of his presence saved them;
in his love and in his pity he redeemed them;
    he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old.

Romans 5:3-5

3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Daniel 3: 19-25

19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was filled with fury, and the expression of his face was changed against Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He ordered the furnace heated seven times more than it was usually heated. 20 And he ordered some of the mighty men of his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and to cast them into the burning fiery furnace. 21 Then these men were bound in their cloaks, their tunics,[e] their hats, and their other garments, and they were thrown into the burning fiery furnace. 22 Because the king’s order was urgent and the furnace overheated, the flame of the fire killed those men who took up Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. 23 And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, fell bound into the burning fiery furnace.

24 Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up in haste. He declared to his counselors, “Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?” They answered and said to the king, “True, O king.” 25 He answered and said, “But I see four men unbound, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.”