fuzz seymour

Be Honest

Genuine honesty is hard to come by in this day and age. Words are either carefully chosen to bypass any potential opportunity to offend or they are ridden with malice while guided with animosity. Regretfully, I have been known to be heavy handed with my honesty. Once, I was called hawkish which ended with me taking a trip to dictionary.com to find out what I was being accused of at that moment. This word along with the rest of their response, led me to realize people saw my honesty as a militant demand of action or as a passive accusation with some truth at the core of the comment surrounded with unnecessary judgment. For others, they reduce the strength of truth in hopes to ease the assumed sting of persecution for the sake of the person on the receiving end. This tip toe act of warming the pot to slowly boil usually ends with the desired temperature never fulling being achieved thus resulting in fruitless results or an undercooked lobster. There have been beneficial results using these methods; however, they are typically not recommended as everyone receives information differently. I call this the “cell phone” effect. The signal on both ends must be up to par to have a clear line of communication. For many, this is a commonsense idea that has no need to be in an article on my page or on anyone else’s. My response would be, how often are you honest with yourself? How often are you honest with God? Today, I will be honest with all of you.

All these articles I write have one thing in common… these are areas where I have failed. It happens and is expected. Having my brutal type of honesty is also reflected internally so subtle reminders are needed often. I once read a meme that said “satan says you are a disappointment to God, and you should give up; while God says I knew everything you would do before you were born, and I still called you. I am not done with you yet.” This is such a powerful example of my own battles. After my last article, I made a common mistake due to my old wound of rejection. I questioned myself. A mentor of mine gave me an amazing complement on my writing. He called it “spiritually brilliant.” But as I started to feel that pride lift, I knew there was more to come as God calmed me to brace for impact. When he finished his brief pause, he looked me right in the eyes and stated, “but you, are not.” This was not said to hurt my feelings but to regulate my ego. He even told me God asked him to tell me that. It took time but I came to find this was to remind me of what I already knew but forgot at crucial times. That God was sharing this wisdom through me and I had taken credit. The enemy knew this and made me feel like a plastic Christian. My faith came into question. I was spiritually rocked for a day or two, but I am just now getting back to my fight. My strength has always been to show my own weakness.

When writing I am not pursuing praise or adoration. The feeling of conviction and responsibility from God is what gets me to log on and start writing. Putting these thoughts into paragraphs often help me walk through the season I am in. Honestly, I wish I did it more often. But if I am to be genuinely honest, I do not want to write which leads me to a confession. God may be the reason I write but He is not the motivation I always seek after I write. I tend to chase the fruits of my labor much more than I enjoy doing them for God. These writings start humbly and end with me looking at ratings and comments. My fulfillment of a calling or purpose becomes what comforts me while God has been put on the waiting list for my time. I have thanked God for a gift by praising the results of that gift above him. This is like loving the response you get from others when posting pictures of the dog your father gave you that you never wanted and do not care for. Now that I have seen this fleshly side of me, I must crucify it every day. I have to remember who Jesus Christ is, what He has done for me, and what He continues to do for me every day. Anything less than that is a disservice to His sacrifice and grace.

This brings me to the question that God has placed on my heart these past few days. This is a question we all must ask ourselves and answer with genuine honesty. Is God enough? Before you answer that, quickly think of these partnering inquires that weighed heavy on my heart while I chocked down the gravity of what was asked of me. Will you inconvenience yourself for God? Do you need a reward to follow through? Did you really surrender? Is God really your motivation?

What are you not being honest about in your life.

Getting in Position

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Practice makes perfect is a common phrase heard in any training scenario. We all know that if we continue to push past our aches and doubts, we can achieve immense things beyond our original expectations. We are shown this through all forms of media including movies, books, video games, sports, and more. But I have found, in my own experiences and those who share with me, when we are walking with God, seldom do we feel as though we are up to the task or that we are making any advancement. The common method of seeing God as a transactional vending machine of our own will and desires within the confines of His law has sullied our ability to hear Him or fully have faith in God’s plan over our own agenda. This is common amongst the most attended church goers along with those who are just opening the door to Jesus. Once we hit a snag, the stumble that may not lead to a fall could result in an about face from the only thing we know can give us joy. With the knowledge of perseverance producing results, we still find ourselves running on the field while it feels like the game just happens around us.

Recently, I came to understand it in a way like American football. The quarterback has asked me to run out 4 yards and make a left slant and to be in position and available to catch the ball. The huddle breaks and I sprint to the line eager to make an impact. “Hike” catches me off guard and I panic and just play defense in hopes to protect the ball. The whistle blows and I hear “same play” as I run back to the line reminding myself of the play. The second snap is made but I ran too short, hooked left, and the ball is thrown to someone else. In my arrogantly dutiful mood, I shake my head and get back in line. “Same play” is said again in the brief huddle. I run an almost perfect route, but my focus was on the route and not the ball, so it was thrown to someone who was available. Now frustrated with myself I wait for another play to be called but again I hear “same play.” I slowly walk to the line convicted to do it perfect. I run out 4 yards and slant left all while keeping my mind on the gameplan but instead, a run up the middle scores us another few yards. At this point when I get to the huddle I am irked and frustrated. I hear “same play” and throw my hands in the air and think why do I bother. I run that route a few more times with no passes coming my way. Convinced that the defense is on to my route, I decide to make my own routes for the rest of the drive.

Down after down I feel less like a part of the team and eventually the quarterback pulls me aside. “What is wrong?” he asks as I throw my helmet down and sit on the bench. “You are not doing what you said! You said YOU were going to throw ME the ball” I exclaim with fury. He sits down next to me and asks me “have you not noticed all the gains we have made? We just scored and you are pouting. When did I tell you I would throw it to you?” “You said if I ran out 4 yards and slanted left you would pass me the ball” I mumble as he puts his arm around me. “Did I tell you that you had to be in position and available?” he asks, and my head drops down. “Yes, but..” falls from my lips as he slaps me on the back and throws me my helmet saying “get ready. We are up.”

Often, we find ourselves thinking we are in position and available when we are not. This has caused us to doubt God’s promises since it is not meeting the expectation we have set with our own agenda in mind. For some, this leads to running their own routes like I have recently. When I was younger, I turned away from God for the same exact reasons. With our corrupted nature this is not something we just read or experience once without repetition but with due diligence and perseverance combined with the guiding hand of God and strong community of believers we will progress with Christ. The next time we ask ourselves why we are not hearing God or feeling the Holy Spirit as robustly as previously experienced, do not make assumptions but ask yourself if you are available to Him and in position.

What Are We Waiting For?

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One thing I know for certain, is God seeks us with immense patience and love. Earlier in my journey to accept God back in my life, I had asked one of my mentors a question thinking it would take a while to answer. I could not imagine there would be such a clear concise response when so many people have claimed there is no evidence of God. I asked him, “what do you hold on to that makes you so sure this is all real? What keeps you believing?” He responded after only one deep breath and said, “the tomb was empty.” The interesting part about my mentor’s response was that it appeared he knew I was going to ask this question. He also knew I was not really questioning God’s existence but pleading with him for something my simple brain could process so my heart could seek God. This is akin to giving a dog a chew toy so you could cut the dogs nails.

God is currently walking me through a trial that I thought I understood fully. A man came to me after finding out about my faith and told me he has trouble forgiving God for taking his son. After a few minutes he explained he knew it was not that God killed him, but he was allowed to be taken for reasons that may have been for the benefit for both. I was humbled to see this type of response, but I knew we were not out of the woods yet. As the conversation continued, he stated he was the last of his friend group, which was filled with addiction and violence, but believed he was the worst of all of them. I asked him how he found God in his life, and he claimed God saved him from the depths of hell. I replied that God must really love him so why are you hiding from him? This is when he finally told me what was really keeping him from growing closer to God. This large man looked at me while fighting back the tears and said, “I don’t deserve to be saved” and my heart floated into my throat.

This writing is not about this man who spoke to me but the heart of many of us that suffer with this same acceptance of the gift of Jesus. To the ones who feel too broken or previously wicked that they cannot accept this sacrifice. As a reminder you are going to fail along the way, and we can always reach back out to our savior, but the death of Christ was not the true feat. His death was not what his disciples preached about after his resurrection. They preached about the resurrection because that was the fulfilled promise. God promised us a new heart and life. Ezekiel 36:36 says, “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” John 3: 3 Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. Romans 6:4 We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. All these directly point to the idea that we are not who we once were after we accept Christ. To reject the death because we feel unworthy is to deny yourself the life Jesus died for you to have. I am by no means saying forget about the sacrifice. The blood of Jesus washes over us to absolve us from our sins but let us look at it a little differently.

George Herbert authored a poem titled ‘The Sacrifice’ which helped me understand the beauty in God’s plan after the fall of man. O all ye who passe by, behold and see; Man stole the fruit, But I must climb the tree; The tree of life to all, but onely me. When the serpent told Eve, she would not surely die from eating from the forbidden fruit and they ate, the doubt of God’s integrity was cast upon all humans’ hearts in a hereditary like fashion. This explains why we must choose God and why no one is default in that heart posture. Adam ate from the tree, so how does God fix it? He sends His son to climb another tree and take the full weight of our sins for us. With the resurrection we see the gift of new life fulfilled. This came full circle to me earlier this weekend after I spoke with the man I previously mentioned who was battling with not feeling worthy of God’s love and Jesus’ sacrifice. When it was presented to me, I realized it started with man and a tree, was solved with man and a tree, and how do we know it was true? The tomb was empty. The sacrifice was made, and the gift was delivered. All we must do is open our hearts to accept it and be renewed by it. As someone who also struggles with feeling undeserving of God’s love, I can say with the utmost certainty that we are all sinners saved by grace. We may not deserve it, but God loves us and that is why it is called a gift. With the acceptance of this gift comes the death of our own sin so we can live the new life we were designed to live. The answer to all the questions about life’s meaning, purpose, and destiny are all within the acceptance of that gift. So, for anyone who wants a fresh start or hopes to find their calling, I simply ask what are you waiting for?

The Live Ones Hurt

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This past week I felt a dryness to I have never experienced before. For those who live around me, they will immediately perk up to respond with “We have had so much rain! What dryness?!” Even though everything around me was soaked, spiritually I was experiencing a separation from God for reasons I was unable to ascertain on my own that left my heart cracking like a dried riverbed. A series of events led me to uncover myself hidden within a shelter of fig leaves I had built around my own heart. Keeping it from anyone and everything including God. I had noticed my poor actions prior to layering the walls with clay ridden mud because I didn’t know what to do besides keep building. The more I pondered over this reaction, the more I began to barricade myself inside with no concern of the dryness that was spreading to my full body. This dark place felt familiar and safe even though I knew it was going to be the death of me. Purposeful starvation of love seems so obviously bad for me in hindsight, but I was basking in the dry darkness that had once been my home for so long.

The factors that lead me here were only brought to the surface when I finally confessed in a mentor of mine. This was not the original plan for the conversation, but it quickly changed when he noticed my face and demeanor. Physical pain is something that has always thrown off my balance. The weather around me of consistent rain gave me a more accurate determination of the barometric pressure outside than the weather app could ever do. He asked me if what I was feeling was just physical since he noticed how awkwardly I was sitting. I swallowed my accountability pill and decided to tell him about the days prior to our meeting.

While I suffered a silent internal war of physical pain, a church group of mine had started to fall apart. Some had revoked their commitment to an open discussion conversational group based off readings inspired by and containing God’s word. This was one of my safe places with people I felt connected with through faith. A scheduling conflict arose in our group chat and that was the start of the collapse. Texts were sent and emotions were heightened for some including myself. One of the members informed us he was no longer planning to attend since he made other commitments that now did not align with the groups schedule. One of the brothers made a few comments that I was not happy to see. I felt singled out when I offered two possible ways to keep the group meeting that were meat with an assumption of me overstepping my role. This was mostly unwarranted in my mind because there were no roles or leadership positions, but he made it clear that I was not the “leader”, and I was not the one to make any decisions even though I only offered options. This disappointing outcome combined with my physical pain drove me to a dark place of anger I have not seen in several months.

So, I pulled out the contact list and dialed this brother with the plan to clear the air. To my surprise, he answered calmly. Due to my current state of mind this response fueled my anger. I demanded he explain where this tension was coming from and asserted that he was making this personal. He responded with a timid tone lined with uncertainty. Feeling justified at every turn, I reciprocated with my quick-witted responses to every “um” or “er” he made. The relentless interrogation continued for a few minutes until we both received calls from other people. Shortly thereafter, the originator of the group called me and stated that he was “just a facilitator” and agreed with some of my statements in the chat. After a few short seconds of vindication, he then informed me that he would no longer be able to attend the group due to his other commitments to another group he was with before. I felt foolish for even caring about the group. That past hour of emotions felt like a waste to me at this point.

Unsure of how to proceed, I reached out to another good friend who was in a similar group. As far as I had gone down that angry path, I knew I needed help and just kept talking until he heard something he could point out to me. He proposed I prayed over this and advised that I should ponder over if I was projecting my feelings on others. This made a lot of sense. I have always struggled with feeling accepted or respected. Anger has been a problem for me in the not-so-distant past so of course I am in this place right now. Meditation superseded the calls. I thought about my words, my intent, my actions, and my emotions. I did not use harsh language at any point, but over the phone my tone was shaped like a spear that was being hurled through the strength of mild manner vernacular poisoned with ill intent. The transcript would appear like a rose with thorns, but unbeknownst to the reader those thorns were surreptitiously brushed with tetrodotoxin. This realization of my poor reactions was followed up with an apology which was immediately met with forgiveness from that brother, but I still felt out of place. “Where was it coming from?” I asked myself. “I thought I was doing better. Why am I failing myself?… Why am I failing God!?”

For several days I laid in the carcass of my own ego and expectation. The physical pain had me locked into a trap of anguish and my mental health was following suit. So, I withdrew. I hid myself not knowing what I truly felt. I was lacking direction and choosing to not feel anything. I built that shelter around my heart and eventually my whole self. While in there I was shriveling up slowly dying. I didn’t want anyone to see me like that, especially God. While working, I was short tempered, irritable, and volatile. The people I was supposed to serve with love were getting doused in gasoline with every question they asked with no idea that a lighter could be thrown at any time. Awareness of these unchecked emotions spilling into my work life caused me to panic and start filling the cracks in the wall with whatever I could find and eventually withdrawing further into emptiness. The next day is when I was scheduled a meeting with my mentor.

While in his office, I explained all of this to him in less articulate words. He followed up with a few questions. “Is this the first time any brother has let you down on this journey?” I thought about this during the long awkward pause he left ringing in the air. I realized that this was a place I was really hurting. That hurt was from feeling rejected by my own community and the loss of the community itself. “Was this group important to you?” he asked with an understanding look. “Yes,” I replied with tears now resting upon my eyelids ready to break form down my cheek. “Are you grieving?” he asked. “Yes,” stumbled out of my mouth as I fought the crippling wave of emotions trying to overcome my stone like demeanor. In those few questions I found the words for what I need to pray for and registered that I was denying God access to my heart. I knew forgiveness was outside of my walls, but I was afraid I would hurt someone else or give them an opportunity to hurt me if I ever left. In these moments my shelter was crumbling, and I felt the water rise from the once cracked riverbed. In four days I had experienced abandonment and loss which led to self-isolation and anger with an unknown need to grieve during one of the most physically limiting periods of my life. I cornered a brother based off an assumption of disrespect in a group chat. Emotionally, I was ignoring my wife and friends. At work I took out my hostility on people just needing some direction or for simply asking how my weekend was. God was pruning me to better myself and I was retreating from the pain of the event after a branch I felt was “not so bad” was loped off. Several weeks prior to this I told my mentor I thought God was punishing me and he quickly responded, “God does not punish us, he prunes us.” I smiled and said “yeah… I can see that. I am better for it.” Then he responded with words I didn’t fully understand until now. “It’s always great when he is pruning the dead branches, but the live ones hurt.” Yeah… I can see that. And I am better for it.

The Mountain or The Mole Hill?

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To some, my bold perspective and words carry such confidence that my conviction is seen as a mountain of faith with a mighty river of wisdom. To others, my squawking and babbling is more like a mole hill next to run off from the neighbor’s leaky hose. The difference between those responses is not my words but how one’s spirit and soul will receive them. Recently I chose to focus on my calling in life. God’s plan for me is to council others by giving them hope and taking their shame. To show them they have a choice of a fulfilling life. My prayers have lately been lathered with eagerness to serve and soaked in my commitment to excel. Two days ago, I met with four brothers over two different meetings. I listened more than I spoke in the first meeting and did the opposite in the second. God has been reminding me of why I have two ears and one mouth, so I have been doing my best to follow that advice which did not come naturally for me. After my day was done, I was praying for even more to put on my plate to keep my mission active.

The next morning, a brother of mine texted me to tell me he hopes I find rest in my current season of life. I took offense to this concern. “I don’t want rest for I am eager for battle” came to my mind. This brother knows I have walked a painful life with many dark battles. Those who know of my life see me as either a battle-hardened hero born of war or an irresponsible child whose family is a casualty of that same war. That text message caught me off-guard which allowed me to fall into an old trap by the enemy. “He sees me as weak” came to mind which I could not let slide. So, I quickly told him I was not only unwary but thirsty for more. A short while later, my feelings still lingered but the thought crossed my mind that maybe I was overreacting. Maybe, but probably not. I replied letting him know that he could have some insight that I was blind to and thanked him for thinking of me.

As the day progressed, I woke up to my wife reminding me that I should not oversleep since I needed to wake up early for work. So, I got up and made a pot of coffee to keep me alert until bedtime. The next morning I heard a sermon that referenced Hebrews 11:24 “By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter” (NASB 1977). This intrigued me since the pastor was specifically talking about the wording of “grown up” in the verse so I meditated on it for a short time. Out of nowhere I get this revelation. I am not as grown up as I thought I was. That reaction I had to the resting text message exposed me to be callow. I was putting a hero complex on like a plastic badge from the dollar store and thought I had authority. The reality is that at times, even with solid advice and good intentions, I can really act like a child with a sword. God was entertaining my juvenility for a while, but it was about time someone showed me I was a danger to myself or others with how I was wielding this weapon. With knowledge comes power, and with power comes responsibility. I must slow down and grow up to do the mission I asked for. Now I am left with one question: Do I want to take the time to become that hero on the mountain or does this child just want to play on the mole hill?

No More Excuses

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There is currently a crisis in some particular cities and, more importantly, in every American’s heart these past few days. Fires are raging while clouds of chemicals rise from the feet of protesters and police. Batons and shields are met with improvised weapons on a blacktop battlefield set with a curfew. Soaring mists of pepper spray jet through the air while screams and chants hum through the cracks of our cities. It is important to remember why all of this happened. It is important because valuable items are being stolen right before our eyes. You may be thinking “surely, he must be writing about the amount of damage and looting of the local stores found in these cities like Minneapolis and Philadelphia, no?” How about “this author must be speaking about the vandalism on police vehicles or the loss of jobs, correct?” Nope! WE are talking about black lives! WE are talking about our own people. WE are angered by the years of mishandled cases. WE are infuriated by decades of racism that was weaved within society. WE are tired of being spoon fed a narrative that has manipulated other races into thinking that what is happening is not an issue. WE are tired of explaining it to people who do not want to listen with open minds and have already chosen their side firmly.

The division based on the side show of the riots has made people lose sight of the main act of the play. This type of straw man yellow journalism has been used to side stage major issues like racism for as long as we can collectively remember. The amount of deaths, wrongful convictions, mistreatment, and torture we have allowed for our fellow human beings to endure is no longer being met with an accepting mass of people controlled by the media to just say “okay”. With every “but” or excuse we find ourselves no longer focusing on how we are helping but more with how to keep our way of life the same. You say the police were wrong with the murder of George Floyd but rioting and looting is not the way to honor this man. Get rid of the excuses and focus on that first part of the sentence. Are you so quick to conform to your normalcy and judge indiscriminately that the entire first part of the sentence no longer has value or weight? Does this man along with all of the other clear examples of murdering unarmed black people not hold as much value to you than the stock of Target? Does the lives of our neighbors, brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers no longer matter when they are black? Did you ever think that when you take away from the fact that you are comfortably sitting in your own space free from worry about “accidentally” being shot or “justifiably” murdered based off of the continually pushed narrative that you are “less civilized” or “more likely to commit crime” which lead to the ignorance of your culture based off of your skin color that maybe you could understand the pain of other people?

If you have no idea what I am talking about I ask you to do the same thing I had to do in order to understand. Talk to people and really listen to them. Sympathize with their struggles and see the similarities between other races and cultures to your own. Notice your privilege from being on the safer side of the equation. Take the time to know a person and care about their culture because we are destroying it due to ignorance and hate. Open yourself up to understanding racism as a judgment and hierarchy and not just hate and you will see it is a process within our daily lives. A simple quote is “If you aren’t part of the solution than you are part of the problem”. Use your privilege to help make the correct changes so that we do not feel the anger that causes riots. Stand by our brothers, sisters, and neighbors in unity against the allowance of unjustified death with too little repercussions. Our “normal” is not worth the destruction and isolation of other races for our comfort. Our comfort needs to come with the price of fairness and logic for all people to be free as we tote on our country’s tag lines that only some benefit from while others are murdered in our streets or even in the safety of their own homes. No more false narratives. No more injustice. No more peace. No more excuses.

The Little Person

November 13, 2019 fuzz seymourLeave a comment

I have been talking to an older wiser person as of late and found them I am guilty of failing the most important person in my life. Me. He explained to me how in side of each one of us is a smaller person. This super ego was bathed in our upbringing. The conversation of nurture verses nature or how we are conditioned is what drives the personality of that little person inside of you. Are you lost yet? Well I have a few other ways of explaining how I understood this concept and where it led me on my journey thus far. Think of this little person as a seed. It is usually hard and surrounded by a firm but still softer meat/exterior. This softer shell is your current personality that has been molded by the design of the seed. Like many things in nature, nothing is usually exactly alike. Those minute differences in how the seed has set or how much water and sun it received will dictate everything about how that final product will become.

So now you get the visual concept but why does this matter? In our current upbringing we really push for external factors to please us. Likes on social media, how often you are tagged in pictures, complements, income level, etc. We are all looking at everyone else for validation. That little person is surrounded by a much more pliable and weakened surface due to these taught responses. I like when people say they are being “forged”. The concept of being tested under extreme conditions has always produced a stronger material over time. This kind of thinking will bring positivity to hardships and failures as they make you stronger than before. External confidence is great for lifting your spirits temporarily, but it really doesn’t have the same effect of the internal forging. Imagine if you could give yourself confidence and manifest your own options. That does not mean you have to be prideful and do everything alone but at the end of the day you need to have the belief that you really did give effort to something and reward yourself for every step. That last part is tremendously important to people feeling lost. When I was out of work for 2 years with an injury I never once celebrated. It sounds stupid right? Why reward myself for falling so low? It took me two years to catch up to where I was 4 years prior. I had more debt than ever before and was making less money than before my injury. It has been 6 years since that injury. So again I ask, why celebrate? Because I made it. It’s really that simple of a concept. Those other factors don’t matter when you look at what I have achieved. I overcame the most difficult part of my life. I spent 2 years with no income and crawled back into a labor-intensive work environment. Even with all the pain and suffering I have performed many shows, recorded several songs, started a podcast, learned several trades, and bought a home. The point is I was always so busy at looking at where others were in life or how they perceived me that I made the pressure and suffering harder than it needed to be. So how do we do that?

All that starts with looking inside at your little person. The most important thing about looking internally is the clarity it brings. Once you can calibrate your own vision of yourself the world around you will finally become focused. You have been walking around with bad vision your whole life asking other people who can’t see “which way do I go?” Sometimes you don’t have the courage to ask and find yourself following a mass group of people thinking you found the direction you should go while everyone still feels misplaced. Looking in the mirror is not easy for most people. The reality is you are looking at the results of your choices and the circumstance you have been dealt. Watching your actions through a third person perspective helps you understand how complacent you are. Phrases like “I don’t have time for that”, “why should I have to do it”, or “it’s too hard” will annoy you. These words should bother you. They are the sounds of complacency and it has a strong hold on those who chant its false narrative.

To achieve that clarity you have to understand what drive you and what holds you back. Comfort is a big factor. That job or person in your life seems to be good enough to just call the quits. Just hang in there and it will all work out is how comfort speaks to you. It whispers in your ear about how going to the gym or studying is not going to please you right now so why not binge watch Netflix and eat some McDonalds. The reality is that your seeking comfort because you are running from your fears. Your fears of failure or inadequacy drive you to need this comfort. Your littler person is in control when you default to this lifestyle. Understanding this will highlight when you are letting your earlier years dictate what you are doing now or if you are making progress. When I know I have to prepare for the recording studio but I decide to go to the bar with friends, spend upwards of $100, and didn’t get enough sleep on a day that I know is important is ridiculous. yet we make these poor decisions daily because we don’t understand ourselves. Self-worth comes with self-understanding which breeds self-success. Building better habits while enjoying them will bring you way more happiness in life and so will building stronger relationships with similar minded people. Many people quote the phrase “you are the sum of your 5 closest friends” or something along those lines. This is not only true but really hard to overcome. That person has been in your life for X amount of years or did this for you in the past. I am not advising you to cut everyone out of your life but think of it like this: If they aren’t filling your tank they are just using up more of your gas.

This article will really come down to a few things; you have to understand your little person, you must challenge your fears, and it is ok to fail. A lot of these things are really basic, but you are still not utilizing your knowledge of these facts to help yourself. Seeking validation on Facebook or approval on Twitter does not improve you position in life. Engaging in challenging situations and making more for yourself by targeting your goals will improve every aspect of your life. There is no way of changing your life for the better if you never take the steps to do so. Maybe you can win the lottery, but you have to play and understand the odds. When you hesitate to turn your “should do” into “will do” you leave an opening for comfort to speak up. Do not give that little person the wheel. There are no guarantees in this world, but I can personally tell you that understanding yourself and finding your own path in this life will never allow you to fail yourself more than you are right now by doing nothing. Commit to yourself and flourish.

The Cost of Living

November 1, 2019 fuzz seymourLeave a comment

I enjoy listening to both sides of an argument and even defending both sides depending on my company so we can start from the same understanding. Due to this annoying strategy I have many people send me articles to read about things we have previously discussed or debated. Recently it was an article with a headline similar to “a person making minimum has to work 2.5 full time jobs to have their own place.” So let’s talk about the real story from my perspective from talking to both sides.

We will begin with where I support this argument. We live in a time where everything is going up in cost. Technology seems more necessary for our always quickening lifestyles and demands from society. Simply paying for a roof over your head is not the end of your bills. Cellphones are nearly required as well as internet which all adds more cost to your utilities. Before and during the mid 1900’s the average single income was sufficient to sustain a family of 3 due to lower costs of living, higher pay ratios, and lower demands from technology. Things have definitely changed since then. I will use my state of Pennsylvania (PA for short) as an example. Since 2005 the average income per household has been resting between 56k to 59k with a lot of drops in between. Within that same time period we saw gas prices hit $1 near the year 2000 for the first time and more than quadruple in 2007/2008. As a reminder, the average PA income did not change much in this time.

So how is single person or family supposed to manage a higher ration of outcome to income than ever before? Yes gas prices have slightly improved but as previously stated the ratio of dropping close to $3 dollars instead of over $4 is still not getting us back down to before the year 2000 and we are not seeing an increase in pay. No one is being paid less but the are being charged more. As a country we should strive for a minimum that allows someone the opportunity to actually have ownership of their lives and not stress about how they will eat or get to work the next day. Talking to people living below paycheck to paycheck or those being neglected by the systems that were put in place to support them in a time of need is infuriating. What doe is say about us when we just let them suffer and do not defend them?

Now to discuss the other side. The article clearly stated 2.5 full time jobs at minimum wage. MINIMUM WAGE. If you are accepting the minimum of anything in life than you need to find some motivation. This per hour or salary amount does not define you but it does allow you to do the things you would like to do. This sounds harsh but you intrinsically have value as a human life, however you do not get financial pay outs for that value of just being here. As a member of a society you are paid for the work you do and you should strive for a bigger part of that pie for both your needs and for you wants. You do not need the brand new iphone 15 xrvr maxx pro with 6 cameras and a otter box that costs more than my mortgage. Eating out is a privilege and not a right. Driving is a privilege and not a right. A gigabit connection on you ps5 and the new call of duty 7 in not a right. That bar tab, new pair of Jordans, those cigarettes, etc. are not rights granted to you. There are avenues besides the fast food chains and retail stores that only give you over priced insurance and a lousy pay. They may take more work to achieve but always remember you can take those skills else where. Home depot won’t give you $15 per hour… apply to Lowe’s and they will probably pay you more than them. Your job in fabrication is giving you a hard time and not letting you work overtime… go to linkedIn and make contacts to get where you want to be in life. If your outcome is greater than your income than you should have paid more attention in math class and thought about your spending habits. When you settle for low pay you have to deal with less in life. Now this has been the tough love part of the course for those who CHOOSE to have these low income jobs and are still demand free shit or a home just for existing.

Now we come to the combination conversation or exclusions. Exclusions would be examples like having to care for a family member, being disabled, etc. These things are usually not planned for and are usually not choices but forced upon you. These scenarios are not the topic of debate in this article and most would agree should have some government involved intervention for the welfare of those individuals. Moving on… There is a big difference between surviving and succeeding. I have personally found myself just doing what I needed to survive. I was failing to make ends meet and priorities were made. Bills were neglected, food was scarce, things were sold, laws were broken, and I went from a nice apartment in the good area to a 10×8 room with my wife and dog in a less desirable setting. Fortunately we had some financial help from family but it was minuscule and we were expected to do our part under the roof we lived. We had no income whatsoever. I was out of work with a severe back injury and was unable to stand for more than 10 mins and my wife was fired without the ability to collect unemployment. Many have had it worse and I do not diminish their struggle or ask that we compare our low points. Those in these situations are doing whatever they need to do to survive. The issue arrives when someone who is blatantly capable of more and refuses to participate while still expecting the same as those putting forth the effort is where I draw a clear line.

The single mother or father with three kids have made some mistakes a long the way. Judge me for that statement as much as you like but having spoken to many people in this scenario they will all tell you the same if they are being honest. A man recently told me he would have to leave his 2 sons at home by themselves (one was old enough in theory about 7) for 5 days a week so that he could work over 5.5 hours away because that was where he could make enough to manage the bills. Though this is not ideal it was the best thing for his family and he planned to move up in the company. After 2 years of struggling in that lifestyle he finally got a better opportunity and was able to start catching up and even succeeding.

That brings us to another point about single incomes. This economy is not made for a single earner income anymore. Currently there is a social trend of no relationships in this country. The benefits of a bachelor/bachelorette lifestyle may have its own perks but that is an easier choice than actual commitment. Just speaking from the financial topic you can double your household income by finding a partner in life that you can grow with. It is still possible to do well financially alone but it statistically hasn’t been that way in a long enough time that we need to stop comparing the two time periods. I’m not telling you to settle at any point in this article. You do not need to marry someone just to move out. There is always a platonic option but I would recommend moving out with a significant other that you could spend a good portion of your life with even without the rings. Leases can always be broken and decisions can be short term. We need to remember that we can only control ourselves and what we do in most circumstances. If you want to get to C then you need to do A and B first. The idea that you can circumvent the obstacles, though possible, is not how you you will realistically improve your conditions. Are their people out there living in excess that could maybe pay more to their employees? Absolutely. Is working in a kitchen or in customer service hard work and not very rewarding. 100%. Does it suck you need to make hard choices that will impact you forever in hopes of a better life? Duh.

This isn’t about us really re-evaluating the cost of living but how much we will settle. I see many parents-to-be struggling to plan out finances. In the end they almost always find a way to make it work. When ever I fall behind or fall back into survival mode I always make it to the next day. Take the anger you have for you lack of pay and direct the questions back to yourself. Instead of “how can ____ pay me so little” or “why should ____ make/have more than me” think about why you aren’t doing more for yourself or your family to improve your income. The system is broken and does not plan on getting better. That sentiment is not lost on either side of the conversation. Whether you take the more liberal or conservative stance both will usually agree. This economy is currently the way it is and we will have to make due for now. We will not change it overnight and I am not saying just accept your role without question, but start with what you actually can control which is your own decisions. After you finish surviving appreciate that you have accomplished more because you were driven. Don’t stop there and fight for the next piece of the pie. It’s true not everyone will be rich financially but there is more to life than income and more at stake that your materialistic desires. Make this life what you want of it and stop asking others to do it for you.

Learning to Lose

October 9, 2019 fuzz seymourLeave a comment

Failure has always been something I dread. The idea of rejection or not living up to a standard keeps me awake at night and anxious in the mornings. The thought of having a complaint on a song that I poured days of time into causes me to overthink everything. The fear of re-work at my job has me inspecting things multiple times so I don’t have a common mistake. I spend so much time trying to look up how to be better so I don’t fail that I forget why I need to lose sometimes.

The lesson of losing or failing shows people humility and the one thing I always struggle to find, the right answer. Having never been a competitive person I was not big on sports or challenging other peoples abilities or my own. So I stayed “humble” for various reasons but mostly out of selfishness. I know it sounds strange but I will give an example. If you haven’t visited a guitar store before it usually has a bunch of people inside playing on an instrument they would like to purchase. Usually they are pushing the amp or drum kit to the limit. They are those people you can hear from the parking lot or through the sound proof room they set up in. These people usually aren’t the most talented players, however they have the confidence that I lack which pulls me away from this kind of situation. I was always “just good” at music. I could figure things out quickly and I was blessed with rhythm. But the fear of someone commenting on my bass or guitar skills always kept me on the lowest volume. If I walked to the acoustic room and someone was in there I would just walk out so they wouldn’t have the chance to hear me disappoint them. Now that I am older I wish I would have put myself in more situations to lose.

When something doesn’t go as planned you learn how NOT to do things. This form of trial by error is not uncommon to me as a gamer but I have trouble accepting those trivial risks in real life situations. Why do people fear this fate? From a logical stand point it feels like the best way to learn in many scenarios. I will spend hours looking up something that could have taken me 20 mins of fiddling around to figure out. Watching other people fail has helped me learn what works and does not. So again, when they fail I don’t harass them, why am I inclined to think I would become a “loser” in their mind for being brave enough to do the same things.

Maybe bravery is the problem. Courage is to know that the building is on fire and still run in to save someones life. Bravery is not knowing what lies beyond the door but still taking the risk. That unknown is what really scares me. But when I know what the risks are and the potential outcomes would it still be my fear of the unknown? Yes. The idea that I can not place a favorable percentage on an outcome, even though I know all the possible scenarios that will enfold, is still so terrifying to me that I will not take the gamble. This game of chance or luck has never been something I pursued as it was taught to me at a young age due to a harsh upbringing. Having to know the outcomes is the only thing that prepares me for the endeavor ahead. If there is less than 75% chance of success I will avoid the situation. This has lead me to lose out on tour opportunities, miss advances in my career, turn down high risk high reward scenarios, and stay safe in my decision makings.

Having never had the confidence to fail lead me to become more isolated. At one point I found myself surrounded by people below my level of skill just so I would feel less threatened. This kind of anxiety has lead me to become less talented and successful than anyone who started off with a lower chance of accomplishment than myself. So from years of playing it safe I have not lost much but gained almost nothing. The moral to the story is fail on purpose. Many entrepreneurs preach this theory and it works. No one is telling you to set yourself up to do some stupid things but if you want to try surfing do it. If you dreamed of opening a bakery then pursue that dream. You can start just but doing small events and making things out of your kitchen. My podcast and band have pushed me to do things that I would have never decided to do on my own. If you need to have a companion on your journeys or some friends with similar interest to guide you just ask. I was surprised to find that they too were not taking the risks for the same reasons. You can grow together. Don’t over complicate the things you want to do in life. Become daring, push your boundaries, and achieve more by doing. Security has it’s advantages, but it will not help you progress.

Beyond Beef (Netflix comedy specials)

September 24, 2019 fuzz seymourLeave a comment

No, this is not about your new favorite fast food chain vegan burger option. I have noticed a lot of “beef” lately over some comedians and their jokes. I am sure you know of the two I am speaking about but Bill Burr and Dave Chappelle have sparked a bit of a controversy in my circles as of late. I watched both of the specials and found them both entertaining. The question is… Does that make me all the phobics listed in the articles? The comedians themselves are not what I am interested in writing about, but I will have to explain a few details. There are a tons of articles telling you about how they are trans-phobic idols of an older form of comedy that breeds hateful violence or praising them as defenders of free speech on the front lines of the PC wars. Now I see these people just trashing people on posts and threads because of the “team” the represent.

“Teams” are an issue for me as a whole. I don’t fully subscribe to any ideology that limits my perspective of thinking. From sports to politics and now comedy, I see division among the people. Recently I ran across a thread on social media about the difference between these two comedians jokes. I bit. I bit hard enough to read almost ever response and look up more information on the opinions in place. I have seen a lot of hate for Dave’s special. It was shocking because I found the piece right on the edge of offensive. An artful comedy pulling at the strings on the developing cultural differences that have become more highlighted in recent years. Bill’s was, well Bill Burr. He is an aggressive comic who has a very successful podcast and is doing the same thing as Dave in his own way. I know his stance on so many things but maybe I am used to the over the top antics of Bill Burr by this point. Clearly one was much more willing to push the line and step on it the whole show. Bill went full Burr and Dave politely danced around with genius delivery and I think there is a difference in their specials but let’s get in to what I learned.

So here I am looking at this thread thinking “oh boy, we got some drama.” Before you judge me too harshly I was unable to sleep and just fell in to this conversation by happenstance. I have written before about my failed attempts at getting points across on social media or text based platforms and these people didn’t read it at all. Hit that subscribe and you will not fail like them or me. Name calling and insinuations were thrown around like hands after Popeye’s ran out of chicken sandwiches. I find listening, or reading in this case, really gave me more information than talking. The following statements were the overall understanding of those “teams” I spoke of earlier. So Dave was not at fault for offending the trans community due to his ability to not assume any perspective of who was the “T” or trans person in his joke was. He made jokes about the situations they were found in and how he can’t stop writing about how hilarious it all is to him. He showed empathy but still got his jabs in basically. Bill is at fault because he immediately made the character in the joke a male with his sexual organs removed and made a jokes about their choice to become female. I am paraphrasing but this is accurate enough to continue on with the conversation. This not only lead to differences of opinions but racism and general intolerance due to lack of education.

This isn’t because Dave is black and Bill is white. It was brought up but that was not the main part of the thread. It became about the “race card.” So someone made a comment that if Bill was black maybe he would have had a lighter response like Dave. Maybe so. In a world of “what if’s” maybe is a great response. So the poster asked the commenting people if they believed in the “race card.” What a drastic change in conversation. From trans-phobic jokes to racism. Some replied they agree it does exist. I for one have used this term in the past and do not want to act innocent of these crimes. The poster and his “team” proceeded to explain how it was a belittlement of the oppression of minorities, specifically black people, to use that term. That it undermined the struggles they had to overcome and was indeed a racist term. So all those who replied yes were deemed racist. I am not a fan of that logic. I am willing to accept a phrase or word I have used is offensive and accept the new rules as they come out. But ignorance of the rules are indeed forgivable in some circumstances. It does not help that the people giving the “lesson” were beyond arrogant and hateful. We will get to that in a minute.

Now I am polling friends and asking people if they think that phrase is racist or offensive. I am messaging my black co-host and getting some input from him as well. This leads, yet again, in to more deliberation. So I have written this article to ask the readers a question. What can you learn if you are not presented the information? Let’s not take the road of “look it up” or “you have a smart phone, use it” approaches. Let’s be honest. You expect someone to look up a guideline or information on something that is not a part of their daily life. Let’s highlight me. I am a white straight male and have a diverse group of friends. However, I don’t know many people from India or the middle east. If I accidentally offend someone with a phrase I was unknown to be demeaning or hurtful I would apologize once informed. If I was unaware of the negative response I don’t expect a pass per say, but at least a second chance. Anyone who genuinely knows me will tell you I have a big heart but I will joke about anything. I made fun of my father’s autoimmune disease while he laid in the hospital because that is how I cope. I am the guy who speaks about the elephant in the room. Why? Because I want you to talk about it. I want to understand. I want to engage conversation to learn from both sides.

Dave did a better job at showing that same sentiment I have but I think that is why they added the extra content at the end of the special. It gave a look at Dave the man, not the comedian. Bill did not record/release that opportunity to the crowd or maybe did not offer that time to them. Maybe this is his real downfall. I am sure a joke of mine would offend a slew of people if they truly did not know who I am. So let’s walk back to the conversations at hand. So the “Bill is a piece of shit team” decided they would educate everyone else. In the process they were as pretentious as possible. Insults and questioning the other sides intelligence was most of the starting points they made to the “Bill is just a comedian” team, which I was starting to side with just due to the abusive way the woke community was acting. The hawkish PC side made very valid points. I read through the trolling coarse dialogue and found myself actually siding with them on the “race card” issue. Then I noticed something as I was reading. No one else was even in the threads any longer. The “Pro Bill” team was gone.

So you may be asking yourself, “what does that have to do with anything?” Everything. Every conversation has a point. Knowledge, aggression, manipulation, etc. can be learned through simple words. Eyes can be opened and new experience will grow. I am not claiming they will all be positive, but I really honestly think the can all be enlightening. The woke community won the argument but never once made an impact on the other side. One claimed to be impervious to new knowledge since they believed to be a higher form on human that could rationalize something as complex as a spectrum of gender with no limitations while the others dug their heels in and kept saying “it is a comedy routine” and PC culture ruins everything. Here was the difference for me in the conversation. One side implied that the fault of an attack on the trans community would be rationalized by the hateful speech of comedians. Meanwhile, they approved of Dave who ended a joke with the explanation of how writing about trans people made them feel that “trans” would become a household term bringing a commonplace to the concept which many struggle to still accept and this normalization of the term would bring acceptance. So isn’t Bill doing the same thing in a different way? He may have a little more enthusiasm on the subject at hand but generally it is the same thing. That was only answered through opinion of how one can speak and no actual information. Logic or tolerance were used as the judgment of how someone can speak about the issues but those rules are ever changing. I picked through the hay pile and found the understanding they were trying to display but unfortunately what I saw was many open people on the sidelines of the conversation just walking away with nothing but more anger and confusion.

White people do not take well to being called a racist, let alone by mostly other white people. The “race card” issue was raging on with one team still in the thread. White people who were unwilling to shed themselves of the privilege their skin tone brought were marginalized and the conversation continued. Absence of the knowledge the hate implied in the phrase “race card” was touted as the new way of finding a homophobic unsophisticated racists that were not up to par with the rest of the community. I find this to be lazy and irrelevant to anyone in the LGBTQ community. This kind of broad stroke generalization is what makes the people so divided in the first place. To assume you can judge someone off the answer of one question that they may not have been informed of is the same, in my mind, as judging someone of their skin color or decision to have an operation to feel like who they really are inside.

Comedians like these two were never intended to be the epicenter of a quarrel. Do not misunderstand what I am saying in that they were intended to question or antagonize the listener in some way and invoke a response of laughter. Jesters were the ones who would give bad news to the king that no one else dared to deliver and modern comedy stems from this sentiment. The idea that sometimes you need to hear the truth of the people or the concerns of a new ideology with a humorous delivery helps lessen the blow but still get a point across. As much as I love conversation and deliberation I find that with my newly acquired knowledge about the term “race card” I also learned that nothing is sacred any more. I am not saying these phrases or racial comments need to be protected by any means so do not misunderstand me on that point. I am speaking about comedy. Comedy will be dulled down to be as compliant to single minded thinking as a corporate office. Edgy or hawkish comedy that once helped people remain humble will disappear as will conversation. People will continue to see themselves as kings among the weak minded unintelligent on both sides of the aisle. I just hope us people not willing to break down to a team are capable of mediating peace in these trying times.